It's About Freaking Time

I am finally ready to be more open. I keep mentioning how I had a specific milestone in mind for when I would reveal my weight, and I have hit that milestone. Please be gentle, it's really hard for me to reveal this information.

I stepped on the scale today and recorded a loss of 4 lbs since I last checked for a grand total of 66 lbs lost. This puts me at 140 lbs.

Why is 140 lbs a big deal to me? Because my drivers' license states that I weigh 140 lbs, and it has said that since I got it when I was sixteen. They don't weigh you, they just ask you. You can say whatever you want! I lied when I was sixteen about how much I weighed. I don't remember by how much, just that I lied, but it was at least a twenty pound lie. My drivers' license is accurate for the first time, except for maybe the picture. Maybe this is silly, but it has always been important to me.

Now, I know you can all add, which is why I never wanted to reveal my weight. I've lost 66 lbs, and I now weigh 140 lbs, which means at my peak weight I weighed 206 lbs. This is horrifying to me to let this information go. There are two sides to this number. I saw this number on the scale after Christmas 2009, and that number didn't stick around for very long. It was the biggest number I ever saw on the scale. However, there were times when I was too afraid to even step on the scale, so while 206 was the biggest number I ever saw, that doesn't mean that was the biggest number I ever weighed. I don't have the most accurate of records, but I'm guessing that by the time I went in for my neurologist appointment in February 2010 I weighed just under 200. Scary thoughts.

I will update my Progress page with my Weight and BMI charts and new inches and everything soon. Also, my goal has changed. My goal was to make it to 115 lbs, which would mean that I have another 25 lbs to lose. But as I have mentioned, I have been working with a personal trainer, and she says that since I am working out, a more realistic goal for me would be 125 lbs. This means I only have another 15 lbs to lose. This is good news, but weight loss has been slow as of late.

Today I am thankful for all the support I've had so far. I could not have made it this far without my friends and family.

I'm Back!

I haven't been writing because I haven't had much to say on the weight loss front. It turns out that I am really good at maintaining weight loss. So when I do eventually make it to my goal, I know I'll be able to stay there. But I'm not happy yet. So I have actually been working with a personal trainer. She is helping me with my nutrition and with my exercise, so it has been pretty awesome. The same old exercises I had been doing just weren't working for me anymore, so I sought outside help. I'll have more to say about how she has been helping me later, but I just wanted to check in and let ya'll know I'm still here and still working. I didn't want to write until I had actually had some forward movement again! Finally, I have lost another 1.2 lbs for a grand total of 62 lbs lost.

Today I'm grateful for my freaking awesome friends. They are amazing.

Bones!

This post today is about as exposed as I will ever get, when it comes to pictures anyway.

I wanted to share what I've been really excited about. I already mentioned it in another post. I am finding bones that I don't remember ever seeing before. Well, I remember seeing ribs before. But I for sure don't remember seeing bones around my neck before. I know they've been there before, I guess it's just been so long that I don't remember having noticed them before. Besides that I'm seeing bones in my wrists, arms, and legs, but nothing worth taking a picture of.

Can you see the definition from the bones poking out around my neck? So crazy! I can probably keep stuff in there, ha ha!

This picture you can't really tell very well, but I'm holding my ribs. I just can't believe that I have come this far that I can see all these crazy bones.

Today I'm thankful for people who take pictures so I don't have to. It makes my life so much easier!

A Different View

So a lot of weight loss bloggers are a lot more open about numbers than I am. They tell how much they weighed from the beginning and everything including inches lost in different areas of their body. To me, that is so incredibly brave! I am way too insecure to be revealing most of that information. I have mentioned before that I will be revealing that information once I hit a specific milestone. It's a silly milestone probably, but it's important to me, and it's not too far off.

The most I have revealed to this point is how much weight I have lost so far. That doesn't mean much if you don't know how much I weighed to begin with. I've been pretty bummed that I didn't keep track of how many inches I have lost since I started losing weight last February 2010. Aside from weight loss, inches lost is a pretty big indicator of just how much fat you have actually dropped. But I wasn't thinking of this experience as an experiment when it all started back then, so I didn't measure myself in inches.

BUT... I found an old notebook from 2008! It has measurements that I took of myself from March 31, 2008. I was really excited when I found this. I gained twelve pounds between March 31, 2008 and February 2010, so these numbers I'm about to share are not at my peak weight, but twelve pounds off isn't bad, and it's the best I can do. I'm super stoked to have something to compare to in inches now!

March 31, 2008

Arms: 15"

Waist: 45"

Hip: 46"

Bust: 43"

Thigh: 31"

Band: 37" (underneath bust)

November 21, 2010

Arms: 11.5"

Waist: 30" - I might have measured in the wrong place back then...

Hip: 41"

Bust: 38" - I can't say I'm thrilled about this loss, but what can I do?

Thigh: 25"

Band: 32"

This is a different and fun way to look at it! I will continue to measure inches every so often and add it to my Progress page.

Today I am thankful for distractions that get me through my homework.

A New Look! ...And a New Weigh In

Have I ever mentioned how confusing my body is? I have had some pretty amazing results the last two weeks, and I feel like I didn't even do good this week! I freaking ate at the Olive Garden! I guess I have gotten used to portion control. I feel invincible. Now I know that isn't true, and I'm sure that I will have it rough again in the future, but I feel like I'm on fire!

This week I lost 3 lbs for a total of 53 lbs lost. What the heck? Not complaining though.

In other good news, remember when I started wearing size 10 pants? Well, size 10 is too loose right now, so I went to the mall and got two new pairs of work pants and a new skirt, all size 8! They zip up and everything. However, the pants give me minor muffin top. So I'm gonna have to walk around with loose pants until the muffin top situation is taken care of. At this rate, it won't be much longer!

You might have noticed that my blog has a new look. I got tired of the old one. Much like myself! I just got my hair done last week, and I love it! Here's my new look below.

This is me at 53 lbs lost. This is the new skirt I was talking about.

And here is a close up of my super dark hair. It's never been this dark before, and I love it!

Today I'm grateful for those who build me up when I'm feeling down. Even those who aim to inspire need a little help sometimes.

I'm Kind of a Big Deal

I've lost 50 pounds!!! I have lost 2.4 lbs since last week, bringing me to a grand total of 50 lbs lost! So exciting! I'm pretty thrilled.

There is a term that other weight loss bloggers like to use that I want to bring up in this post, and that is non-scale victories. I feel like I had a pretty significant non-scale victory this week. Let me tell you about it.

When you are fat, you do not want to wear a swimming suit. Well, I had the opportunity to go to the Crystal Hot Springs this weekend. I love swimming, so I didn't ever usually say no to going swimming, but I was always very uncomfortable. Uncomfortable to the point that it wasn't even enjoyable for me. But this weekend I went to Crystal Hot Springs and put on my swimming suit and expected to look in the mirror and see the old me. I haven't been in a swimming suit in a long time. I saw a different person, and it was a little shocking. I definitely have lingering body image issues that I'm working on, but it was very nice to see an improvement in my swimming suit. I was not uncomfortable at all that night, and I had a lot of fun.

Rosie 1 Scale 0

Today I am grateful for my hair stylist. I got a new do, and I love it!

Weigh In Results

This week was actually a pretty good week in terms of eating. It's hard to judge, because I'm going for a lifestyle change rather than strict dieting. Some days I do stay on a strict diet, and some days I'm a bit more lax. This is to ensure that I am creating a healthier lifestyle for myself rather than a crash diet and yo-yo pattern. This way my weight loss will stick. But this week I was stricter than normal.

My problem seems to be the same each week. Why is it that I just cannot seem to find the time to exercise? Oh yeah. It's because I like to sleep. I did a lower body workout on Monday, and that is it.

Results: I lost 1.4 lbs for a grand total of 47.6 lbs. Hooray!

Today I'm grateful for the movie Inception. I finally saw it, and it was freaking awesome! I really should have seen it when it first came out like everyone told me to.

How Fast Can You Lose Weight?

So I've been creating graphs to chart my progress so far. I had a week a with some pretty intense cravings and it was hard for me to remember to stay on top of my diet, so I decided to remind myself why I'm doing this by showing myself how good I've done so far. You can find the graph I created on my new Progress page. I created three graphs. The first one I created shows my actual weight starting back in February when I got put on my new seizure medication. As I have mentioned, I don't feel secure enough quite yet to reveal this information, but I will soon. The second graph I made shows my BMI since February. Same with weight, I feel like BMIs are a little too revealing, so this graph, too, will soon be revealed, but not quite yet. However, the third graph I created shows how much weight I have lost since February. This third graph I made is the one you'll find on the Progress page.

The tricky part about this is that I did not maintain accurate records, so a lot of this is guesswork until September. They are very educated guesses though. Like I am assuming for instance that I was at my peak weight when I went in for my neurologist appointment back in February. I dropped ten pounds without really doing anything on my own, so I guessed that two months later I was at a weight ten pounds less. Between then and somewhere in July I tried half-heartedly to eat better since I was on medicine that hindered my appetite, and I ended up yo-yoing back and forth another five to ten pounds. It was in July that I made a conscious decision that I was going to take dieting seriously. That is when you see the graph going up significantly. Between the middle of July and the beginning of October I lost another 30 pounds. That is ten weeks, for three pounds a week! It's no wonder I have been unsatisfied with my rate of weight loss lately after my rapid weight loss earlier this fall.

This got me thinking. What has changed? Is it me? Am I doing something different? I found an awesome website with some amazing insights. It gave me some answers as well as helped me to refocus.

#1 The fatter you are, the quicker you will lose weight.

A fatter person doing the same activities as a lighter person for the same amount of time will lose more weight, simply because more calories have to be burned to move a heavier person.

Voila! 46 pounds ago, I was losing weight more rapidly because I was burning calories faster just to move myself around.

However... I'm not completely innocent.

#2 What you eat and how often you cheat on your diet

I definitely cheat every once in a while. Diets have too often failed for me because of deprivation. I am trying to create balance in my diet so I don't balloon when I eventually reach my goal. I have talked and talked and talked about my lifestyle change goal. However, I still need to be careful. This website provides a very nice article on how to cheat on your diet and still be successful. It also provides a list of foods to eat, and on the list is high fiber cereals and oatmeal, which I eat frequently, yeah for me! The website also says not to drink soda, but we all know that's not gonna happen. :) When I get closer to my end goal, I may have to give it up, but I'm not quite willing yet!

#3 How motivated you are

Obviously, I've been more motivated in the past. It's hard to stay as motivated when you've had success. I need to stay in the same mind frame. Now that I've tasted success, I need to keep going strong until I make it to the end. I'm not worried that I won't make it, I've just slowed down. You'd think that with the success I've had, that I would keep going full steam, but maybe I've gotten cocky?

What is the point?

I need to refocus. I don't expect to lose three pounds a week, but I need to remain as motivated as I once was.

Today I am grateful for the people in my life who keep my attitude in check. Sometimes I need a reminder to be positive!

Finally! Some Progress!

I feel like I'm turning into a broken record when I say that this was a really crazy week. But seriously, I had TWO TESTS. Not just small tests. Big ones. Like one of them is 50% of my grade. So I was pretty stressed this week. When I wasn't studying or working or sleeping, I wasn't functioning. It was like I was on laughing gas. I don't think my roommate likes me anymore...

The point is I didn't get a single workout in this week. I plan to do better this week. I just really don't understand bodies. I lost more weight this week than the last two weeks. And I didn't exercise. I'm about ready to swear off exercise again! Just kidding, everyone. We can all relax. I'm going to continue exercising. I know, bodies are weird, and fluctuations, and gaining muscle, and all that jazz. Not to mention the fact that I think I was more careful with my food intake this week. But for reals, I wasn't THAT careful... My body is so confusing.

So the result for this week: I lost 1.6 pounds for a total of 46.2 pounds. Finally! I made some progress!

I'll be posting some more pictures this week that I'm pretty excited about, and I'm also really excited about a post I'm publishing on November 3rd that will be featured on Fitblogger!

Today I'm grateful for my nieces and nephews. They are so cute. I'll tell you why on Tuesday.

What Was I Thinking?

The people have spoken. I will keep weighing in on Sundays. this will maintain consistency, but I may not like the number I get as much as a Friday number. Thanks for participating in my poll!

This week was another busy week between school and work and trying to squeeze time in for friends. Not to mention I got an FC Twin System that plays old Nintendo games that I of course put ahead of everything else. That thing is awesome! But I somehow managed to get in a lower body workout, and an upper body workout, and two running routings. The Body for Life workouts of course. I fit in four workouts! Phew! Goal achieved.

So here's what happened Thursday night. I'm running, and the Body for Life running routine is done in intervals, because interval training is more stressful and builds muscle. Well, I think it's time for me to ramp up my intervals, because I was on my last set of intervals, and I accidentally went over by one minute. I don't particularly enjoy running. This is a twenty minute exercise, and I ended up running for twenty-one minutes! I looked at the treadmill timer and thought to myself, "How did this happen?!?" When I'm running, I DON'T lose track of time! But I did this time, so I figured it must be time to step it up a notch.

So Saturday: It was upper body workout day. I hate the upper body workouts. It just takes a long time. It's five muscle groups versus three muscle groups on the lower body workouts. But I finished my upper body workout on Saturday and was for some reason feeling like a rock star. So I decided to do a running routine! Fourth workout of the week, but only the third time. Remember, it was time for me to step it up a notch. So I re-evaluated my intervals and set them up again at higher levels. It was pretty intense! It started out okay, but by the last five minutes, I WISHED FOR DEATH! The only thing that got me through it was this. I listened to it TWICE in the last five minutes because it's such a good pump up song! It wasn't until the second time that I listened to it that I realized what the song was called and thought about how funny it was. Seriously, what was I thinking? Stepping up the notch? I don't run! However, like I have said before, once I was done I realized it wasn't that bad and was excited for the next time. This new body of mine can handle more than it used to!

So things are going well on the exercise front, however, I ate really bad this week. I think I only had four days this week that I ate healthy the whole day. Everyone always wants to go out to eat for some reason. I was careful on portions for the most part...

The results: I weigh the same today that I did last Sunday. I did not lose weight, I did not gain weight. I could be upset about this, but I'm not gonna let it bum me out. I'm just gonna let it be a learning opportunity and eat better this week. I'm gonna concentrate on my fitness victories from this week.

Today I am grateful for my friends. I could talk all day about how uplifting my friends are. Each one has something in particular I am grateful for. I had a lot of fun this week, and I had a GREAT weekend. My friends are AWESOME!

Motivation Failures

I bought this dress over three years ago to motivate me to lose weight. Don't do that, by the way. It's stupid, and it doesn't work. It didn't for me anyway. Clothes aren't a good enough motivator. Although I am very happy to fit into this dress now, you can see it didn't work to motivate me when I bought it. Everyone needs to find their own motivation that works for them. Clothes didn't work to motivate me, and neither did competition with friends or family or even money!

Anyway, I came home to show my family one day and my brother says to me, "You aren't done losing weight, are you?" Shocking. Nothing like a brother to keep you on track of your goals. To my other brother's credit, this was a different brother from the flabby comment. A third brother has told me that I look good, but that he looks better, so none of them are innocent.

As promised, I am ending this post with what I am grateful for today.

Today I am grateful for my roommate. She went on a Walmart run with me at 11:00 at night, even though she did not want to, so that I could buy nylons for work. She is pretty awesome!

Sharing - Isn't it About Time?

I'm really happy in this new body, and I'm really happy that I am continuing to have success. It feels so good! When I'm happy, I like to share. What's better than sharing? Nothing, in my opinion. Nothing makes me happier than to spread my own happiness. So I thought I'd share a list of the "pros" involved in weight loss. That, of course, means that you must include a list of "cons." Crazy, I know, but there actually are a couple.

Pros:

• feel better about myself
• way more energy
• I can wear my cute clothes again (until they don't fit anymore either)
• I can cross my legs again - when you're fat, you can't cross your legs!
• going shopping is way more fun now, even though I'm too poor to buy very much
• I haven't been to a doctor or anything, but I assume I'm healthier
• I don't feel like I have to hide myself anymore - I used to put pillows in front of me when I would sit down
• I get free drinks at the Bevron (for those of you who don't know, you get beverages at Chevron, so you can call it the Bevron) when certain people are working there. I'm pretty sure that wouldn't have happened 44 pounds ago
• I'm still in discovery mode - when I hug myself and part of me is missing, it's quite exciting! My wrists are smaller. It's really weird figuring these things out.

Cons:

• I no longer feel justified in parking in the "Expectant Mother" parking spot at the Bowman's in Kaysville - man, that's a really good spot...
• I'm having a pretty serious issue with running out of clothes that fit and being too poor to replace them

There they are! I think the pros outweigh the cons...

P.S. I'm really grateful for a lot of things in my life right now. I don't express my gratitude enough. So from now on I'm going to end each post with what I'm grateful for that day.

Today I am grateful for good running music that keeps me pumped up.

Results Show

As you know by now, Sundays are my weigh in day. I have a very accurate scale. It calculates your Body Mass Index, your water weight, your body fat percentage, and it keeps track of your goals and everything. It's pretty cool, but today I was pretty annoyed with it. It told me that I had lost 1.8 pounds. Really?!? It couldn't just round up to 2? That's what I get for having a high tech scale.

As for this week's recap, it was a pretty good week. I started a new job this week, so I was pretty busy and I only exercised once (oops). I did the Body for Life running routine one time this week, which is always a killer exercise. This week should be less hectic, so hopefully I'll be able to get some more workouts in. I lost another pant size this week, which is always very exciting. I love the feeling of loose pants, even though it leads to the stress of wondering how I'm going to come up with the money to buy another pair.

So another 7-8 sticks of butter are missing from my body this week, and the total count is now at 44.2

Wardrobe Malfunction

I had no idea what a problem finding clothes was going to be. All my "skinny" clothes that I had in my closet for years that I didn't fit into are now too big. There are two spectrums here. While I am of course totally exhilarated about this, and super encouraged to keep going, it is also catastrophic on my wardrobe. There is only so much my budget can handle right now! I have been going through my jeans like crazy. I have been through five pant sizes now, and jeans aren't cheap! I can only wear Calvin Klein jeans. I have a pretty serious metal allergy, and Calvin Klein jeans are the only jeans that I don't get a reaction from the metal button. Well, Calvin Klein jeans are generally $70. When you go through five pairs of jeans over the course of a few months, this is not cheap, however, I recently found out that Ross sells them for $20-$30!

Here is the typical old pants picture. I get rid of my "fat" clothes when they don't fit anymore, so these actually aren't mine. This is my old size, and I'm trying them on at the mall. These are size 18 pants.

This is me in my newly christened size 10 pants. I don't remember the last time I fit into size 10 pants, probably sophomore year in high school. Like I said, I've been going through these jeans super fast, so I already have my size 8 pants ready to go.

Jeans are one thing. Work clothes are an entire other story. Here's an annoying story: I bought a new pair of black slacks for my new job on Wednesday because my old ones were too big. I tried them on and everything, but apparently I was in a hurry, because a few days later I realize that they are too loose. I'm pretty annoyed I bought them. Clothes shopping is a whole new experience now, by the way. I still go straight for the larger sizes, and it takes me a minute to realize those aren't going to fit anymore. It's pretty awesome.

So what should I do??? I can't keep buying clothes every time I drop a size. I usually end up walking around wearing really baggy clothes. It's uncomfortable, and I look terrible, but what can I do? If I find something that fits I'll wear it several times a week. My mom is willing to tailor certain articles of clothing, like skirts, but what about shirts and dress pants? Does anyone have any suggestions?

Before and After... So Far

So a few people have asked me to post some before and after pictures, which is kind of funny since I am not done losing weight. But since I have lost a significant amount of weight so far, I guess it's a valid request.

To be honest, it was kind of hard to even find a recent picture of me at my peak weight, and I'm not even sure if this is the best

one, but it's definitely embarrassing enough, so I'll stick with it. I never liked to have pictures taken of me back then. And since I have been losing weight on and off since last February, my before picture had to be a little old. This picture is from last Halloween. If you can't tell, I was Miss Peacock. This picture makes me sad because me and my friends dressed up together as the ladies from Clue and were so excited, and I got all dolled up for it. But a pretty face doesn't hide a fat body.

So here is my after picture. Taken almost a year after my before picture. I'm in my backyard with my roommate's puppies. You can really tell in the face! I know it's the same person, but I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I hardly recognize myself. I have a friend who lost a bunch of weight, and she told me she got rid of all of her "fat" pictures. I can't really see myself doing that. They are still

a record of my life, no matter how much I don't like how I look in them. We'll see though, because I really hate looking at some of those old pictures.

There's a second picture showing how stinking cute those puppies are.

So there they are. I still have more weight to lose, I haven't forgotten about that. When I'm done losing weight, we'll see how dramatic the before and after pictures are.

This Week's Recap

This week I think went really well. I started exercising this week. In order to start exercising, I had to start eating more. I really wasn't eating enough to be able to have the metabolism to maintain an exercise program, and certain family members and friends were being annoyingly concerned, even though I TOLD them I was going to eat more. The problem was finding food that was cheap enough for me now that I am poor. It also had to be easy to prepare because I am lazy. It also had to be high energy food because I needed to eat more to start exercising. A lot of foods fit in this category, it turns out, but I am also a very picky eater. So I added oatmeal and eggs to my diet, and it worked out very well this week.

On Monday I did my first Body for Life running routine, and it couldn't have been a more positive experience. Tuesday I did the Body for Life upper body workout with free weights. Wednesday I did another running routine, and Friday I did the Body for Life lower body workout with free weights. Body for Life is killer. I'm ridiculously sore. I've done a whole Body for Life session in the past, which is 12 weeks of doing these routines six days a week. I'm not gonna do that. I felt four days this week was sufficient. My goal is going to be to do these Body for Life routines three to four times a week, depending on how hectic my school and work schedules are.

The results: Sundays are my official weigh in days. I lost another 0.6 pounds. They say muscle weighs more than fat, so maybe I gained a bunch of muscle this week??? Probably not quite yet. I always figured that was a load of bull. Anyways, things are going well. Another 2 sticks of butter are missing since last week. Yeah!

I've been asked to post some before and after pictures. I'm not done losing weight yet, but I guess I can do that here in a couple of days.

Official Weigh In

Sunday mornings are when I do my official weigh ins, and as of this morning I have lost another two pounds. I'm happy with two pounds. I'd rather it be, say, maybe like nine pounds, but I don't think that would be a very healthy rate of weight loss. Two pounds is healthy.

Someone told me once that if you are ever disappointed with having lost only two pounds, think of it in terms of butter. To get two pounds of butter, you need eight sticks! So from this week to last week, I am missing eight sticks of butter from my body. So now the total tally is 42!

My new blog!

Everyone has a blog, and I decided that I want one. But what in the world do I have to write about? All I do is go to school, do homework, and go to work. Nobody wants to read about that. So I figured if I'm gonna have a blog, it should be one that not only inspires people, but one that motivates me as well. So here we are.

So I've battled my weight for years now. It started getting better in February when I paid a visit to my neurologist who decided to put me on a new seizure medicine that inhibits my appetite. This was pretty awesome, but not a miracle. I still had to work pretty hard. I dropped ten pounds pretty immediately, but it stopped being easy after that. It was the catalyst that started my weight loss, however. I went up and down since February, but I've done really well the last few months, and I've lost a grand total of forty pounds. I hardly recognize myself!

So my goal with this blog is to basically motivate myself and those around me, and to track my progress. Yeah for blogs!