Finally! Some Progress!

I feel like I'm turning into a broken record when I say that this was a really crazy week. But seriously, I had TWO TESTS. Not just small tests. Big ones. Like one of them is 50% of my grade. So I was pretty stressed this week. When I wasn't studying or working or sleeping, I wasn't functioning. It was like I was on laughing gas. I don't think my roommate likes me anymore...

The point is I didn't get a single workout in this week. I plan to do better this week. I just really don't understand bodies. I lost more weight this week than the last two weeks. And I didn't exercise. I'm about ready to swear off exercise again! Just kidding, everyone. We can all relax. I'm going to continue exercising. I know, bodies are weird, and fluctuations, and gaining muscle, and all that jazz. Not to mention the fact that I think I was more careful with my food intake this week. But for reals, I wasn't THAT careful... My body is so confusing.

So the result for this week: I lost 1.6 pounds for a total of 46.2 pounds. Finally! I made some progress!

I'll be posting some more pictures this week that I'm pretty excited about, and I'm also really excited about a post I'm publishing on November 3rd that will be featured on Fitblogger!

Today I'm grateful for my nieces and nephews. They are so cute. I'll tell you why on Tuesday.

Diet Dr. Pepper - My Only Indulgence

I know that I have mentioned that the catalyst to this entire journey has been when I paid a visit to my neurologist last February and she decided to put me on a safer seizure medication. This new drug involved lots of fun side effects, my favorite one being decrease in appetite, of course. People who are put on this drug lose 2.5-5% of their body weight, so while this drug definitely helped, it wasn't magic. Some of the other fun side effects I got to live with were dizziness and drowsiness (which I was already use to from previous medicines) and abnormal skin sensations. What they mean by abnormal skin sensations is tingling of the extremities, or like when your hands and feet fall asleep. This happens frequently now, and it's pretty annoying. Well, whatever it is in this drug that makes my hands and feet tingle also makes carbonation taste funny. When my neurologist explained to me that carbonated drinks were going to start tasting funny, I almost said no way. I love soda! When it comes to soda, I am equal opportunity, I love it all. I used to, anyway.

My family and friends were pretty annoying about this when it happened. I was in a grieving period, and they just kept telling me it was a good thing. Water is better for you, you shouldn't drink soda anyway! They kept telling me that I shouldn't try to get used to the funny taste of soda. They were right. Soda is not good for you, and water is. But it's hard to explain that to your addiction.

This monkey knows how I feel.

Soda still tastes funny if I drink it out of a can. I love Diet Dr. Pepper. It really is my only indulgence. I had a bad week last week, but I'm back on track now. I can only drink it out of a fountain though. I am a frequenter of gas stations. I definitely have my favorites - Common Cents in Bountiful of course, and I do think that the Bevrons and Mavericks do a good job. It really depends on the syrup to carbonated water ratio. Thanks to this medicine, you will never see me buying soda from a grocery store, and I don't keep it at my house. For some reason that I can't explain, I can only stand it from the fountains.

I don't feel guilty for my Diet Dr. Pepper consumption. I really do drink a lot more water now than I used to, especially the last few months. I have even come to enjoy water a lot more than previously. But my diet is pretty strict, and if I don't allow myself my one indulgence, then I don't have my balance that I'm trying to create.

Today I'm grateful for the test I have tonight. Why? Because then I'm DONE with stress for a little while and can play for Halloween weekend!

My Actual Goal

So I've had this blog for a little while now, and I realized that I've never actually stated what my end goal is. It's hard to know what a healthy weight is, so I looked it up based on what the Body Mass Index of a girl who is 5'1" is supposed to be. I know, I'm short. So, a girl at my height should weigh anywhere between 98 - 132 lbs.

I'm young, and I'm pretty petite, at least I think I am. I have the smallest hands of anyone I know. Does that mean I'm petite? So anyway, I'm setting my goal at 115 lbs. If there's ever a time in my life when I can reach this goal, it's right now. I'm really excited, because this is the farthest I've ever come, and I know I'll do it this time.

As for fitness goals, I don't really have any specific ones. I'm doing the Body for Life routines, which is interval training, so it's not like I have to run a mile in a set amount of minutes. I just want to continue to stay active by working out three to four times a week as my schedule allows.

As for how close I am to reaching my goal of 115 lbs, I am still too insecure to reveal that information at this point. But I do have a specific milestone in mind for when I will be ready to unleash that secret.

Today I am grateful that I can fit into my roommates jeans. I did laundry last night and my pants were still wet this morning and I needed some pants for an early morning meeting for work! It's pretty awesome to be able to swap clothes!

What Was I Thinking?

The people have spoken. I will keep weighing in on Sundays. this will maintain consistency, but I may not like the number I get as much as a Friday number. Thanks for participating in my poll!

This week was another busy week between school and work and trying to squeeze time in for friends. Not to mention I got an FC Twin System that plays old Nintendo games that I of course put ahead of everything else. That thing is awesome! But I somehow managed to get in a lower body workout, and an upper body workout, and two running routings. The Body for Life workouts of course. I fit in four workouts! Phew! Goal achieved.

So here's what happened Thursday night. I'm running, and the Body for Life running routine is done in intervals, because interval training is more stressful and builds muscle. Well, I think it's time for me to ramp up my intervals, because I was on my last set of intervals, and I accidentally went over by one minute. I don't particularly enjoy running. This is a twenty minute exercise, and I ended up running for twenty-one minutes! I looked at the treadmill timer and thought to myself, "How did this happen?!?" When I'm running, I DON'T lose track of time! But I did this time, so I figured it must be time to step it up a notch.

So Saturday: It was upper body workout day. I hate the upper body workouts. It just takes a long time. It's five muscle groups versus three muscle groups on the lower body workouts. But I finished my upper body workout on Saturday and was for some reason feeling like a rock star. So I decided to do a running routine! Fourth workout of the week, but only the third time. Remember, it was time for me to step it up a notch. So I re-evaluated my intervals and set them up again at higher levels. It was pretty intense! It started out okay, but by the last five minutes, I WISHED FOR DEATH! The only thing that got me through it was this. I listened to it TWICE in the last five minutes because it's such a good pump up song! It wasn't until the second time that I listened to it that I realized what the song was called and thought about how funny it was. Seriously, what was I thinking? Stepping up the notch? I don't run! However, like I have said before, once I was done I realized it wasn't that bad and was excited for the next time. This new body of mine can handle more than it used to!

So things are going well on the exercise front, however, I ate really bad this week. I think I only had four days this week that I ate healthy the whole day. Everyone always wants to go out to eat for some reason. I was careful on portions for the most part...

The results: I weigh the same today that I did last Sunday. I did not lose weight, I did not gain weight. I could be upset about this, but I'm not gonna let it bum me out. I'm just gonna let it be a learning opportunity and eat better this week. I'm gonna concentrate on my fitness victories from this week.

Today I am grateful for my friends. I could talk all day about how uplifting my friends are. Each one has something in particular I am grateful for. I had a lot of fun this week, and I had a GREAT weekend. My friends are AWESOME!

The Fat Funny One

This post is actually a continuation of the Timeline in Pictures. That post was getting too long and somewhat off topic, so I decided to split it into two posts.

As I had mentioned, this weight loss journey has been extremely emotional. I almost feel like I am losing my sense of identity. My identity for as long as I can remember has been the fat girl. As I have shown you in the previous post, this hasn't necessarily been true, which is one of the reasons why this has been so emotional. Such a waste of negativity.

Fat girls are insecure about themselves, and to hide behind it they are the "funny" ones in the group. Are there any funny skinny girls out there? Was I funny in junior high before I got fat? I don't remember. Has anyone out there seen the buses that drive around with the Golds Gym advertisement that says "Tired of being the fat funny one?" That always rang true to me. I was tired of being the fat funny one. But can I still be funny now that I am losing weight? Am I still the same person? Now that I won't have to hide behind the insecurities of my body and I won't have to "make up for it" by being funny, what kind of person will I be?

This is the kind of thinking that has been driving me crazy lately. My brain is definitely going to have to do some rewiring. I can't lose all this weight and make it to my end goal and then spend the rest of my life still thinking of myself as the fat girl.

Sorry for the downer posts, I'll get back to my perky self now. Today I am grateful for the FC Twin System that finally came in the mail. I've been playing the old Nintendo games nonstop! Yeah for Mario, Duck Hunt, and Punch Out and for friends who play with me!

If You Have a Gratitude Attitude

When I started this blog, I thought it would be a good idea to check out some of the other weight loss bloggers out there, and it turns out there's a huge weight loss blog community! One particular healthy living blogger is Ashley, who writes Nourishing the Soul, started a new series called Self Discovery, Word by Word. She is asking the whole blogging community to "engage in meaningful self-reflection by focusing on just one word."

This months word is GRATITUDE.

Funny, right? Right after I start posting what I'm grateful for at the end of each post, this series is started. Just perfect. So today's post is about what I am grateful for.

I am grateful for SO MUCH right now. The number one thing I am grateful for is that I just got a part time job at a really crucial time in my life. I'm going to school right now and quit my job due to scheduling conflicts and was able to find another job in the same field a few weeks later. The timing was perfect, it couldn't have worked out better for me. My new boss is soooooo sweet. She is going to be awesome to work with, I am so grateful for her. The interview was pretty intense for a part-time job, but it went really well. Obviously, since I got it. I'm in a really good environment, and I think I'm going to really enjoy working with the people I'm with, as much as I miss my old co-workers. They will never be replaced.

I am so grateful for my family and friends. My family has been so supportive of me through all the changes in my life. I moved out of my parents house and changed jobs, and they have been awesome throughout it all. They have been very supportive of me with my diet and weight loss journey as well. Even my brothers. They joke around with me, but that's just how they are. My family isn't the lovey dovey type. We have fun and yell and fight instead of hug and kiss. But it's very enjoyable. My friends have been extremely supportive as well. Some of them are more concerned about me than they need to be, but I know it is because they care, and that means a lot to me.

I am extremely grateful for my mom! She does so much for me even though she injured her foot and hasn't been able to walk for the last few months! I have been busy with school and work, and because I've lost so much weight, my clothes don't fit and I can't afford to buy new clothes! So what did she do for me? She tailored my skirts and pants for me so I can still wear them! It took a lot of time, and it saved me a lot of money.

Some people think this is silly, but I am SO grateful for music. It gets me through the day, it gets me through my tough workouts. Music is incredibly important to me, so when I find a band that pumps me up, I'm very grateful for it.

I have been incredibly blessed lately, and I know that it is because I am living my life the way I am supposed to be living it. I am being blessed for the good things I've done in my life and for the good choices I have made.

Excuses, Excuses...

This week wasn't great in the diet/exercise aspect, so I wasn't too excited for my weigh in. This week was pretty stressful with my new job. It's supposed to be a part time job, but I worked full time this week for training. The food I have at my house isn't very transport friendly, so I ended up eating fast food for lunch every day. I was very careful about portion control and to eat from the healthy menus, but I would still prefer to not eat out. I also only worked out twice. I did an upper body Body for Life workout, and my arms sure were sore for a long time. My little brother "spotted" me. What that really means is that he messed around in the garage and did not pay attention to me at all while I worked out. If I were to have dropped the weights on my head, he wouldn't have noticed. I also did the Body for Life running routine.

This week: My job is part time! This means I don't get a lunch break and will be eating at home, thank goodness. I will also have no excuse not to get a third and maybe fourth workout in each week.

As for the results this week, I lost 0.4 pounds, which brings me to a total loss of 44.6 pounds. What a waste of a week. It has gotten me thinking. I actually weigh in every few days just to keep track of my progress and make sure I'm not doing anything stupid. Last Friday morning I weighed one pound less than I did this morning. I know what happened, of course. I ate out this weekend. I was very careful about portion control. I am going for a lifestyle change, so I think it is okay for me to go out to eat every once in a while, otherwise I don't have the balance I need to be successful. I guarantee tomorrow morning I'll be back to my weight from last Friday morning. It's pretty irritating that my official weigh in has to reflect my weekend fun. So I'm creating a poll. You can vote on the side of my blog.

Here are the rationales for the two choices:

Change my official weigh in day to Fridays - this way the number on the scale will reflect my healthy eating choices from all week rather than the weekend. When my weight fluctuates up from the weekend and back down afterwards, it balances out. Changing the weigh in day to Friday just means that my readers don't have to hear my whine about it anymore.

Keep my official weigh in day at Sundays - this maintains consistency. As my mom says, this will also make me want to control myself on the weekends. However, I am not having a problem controlling myself. When I go out with friends, I am very careful about portions and what I pick to eat. I am trying to create a balance in my life so that I don't crash and burn. But the act of eating out of the ordinary does make a difference on the scale.

Those are the voting options, go ahead and vote, and I'll decide what to do from there.

Today I am grateful for free drinks from the Bevron. Why should I have to pay for my drink anyway? :)

Timeline in Pictures

The weight loss journey is extremely emotional. Anyone who has lost a lot of weight will tell you that. It has been a real emotional roller coaster. I have thought that I was fat my whole life. But in looking at pictures from growing up, I wasn't. I didn't get fat until high school. I remember the first time I decided that I was fat. I think that I was probably in fifth grade. I was about eighty pounds. It's crazy the things that I remember. I found out that my friend who was a year older than me was only seventy pounds. I was horrified that I was younger than her and weighed ten pounds more than her. She was teeny and very petite, and she was a ballet dancer. It was only natural that I would weigh ten pounds more than her. I didn't realize this back then and decided I was fat.

Look at this picture of me dressed up for Halloween back in seventh grade. Not fat, yet I thought I was.

This picture of me playing the clarinet in eighth grade? (I know, I'm cool) Look at those pants! I can't wait to be able to look that good in jeans again. This picture is actually a source of motivation for me, because I know I've looked good before, so I can again.

This picture of me on the last day of ninth grade, look at my face. I don't even have a hint of a double chin.

It makes me so mad that I wasted so much time my whole life with negative thinking when I didn't need to. I think that because I wasn't the skinniest girl in my grade, I thought I was fat. If I wasn't one extreme, I was the other. For every single one of these pictures, I thought at that point in time in my life that I was fat. What a waste.

This picture is from my sophomore year of high school. You can see my face is starting to fill out.

You can definitely see it in this picture.

Here's a second picture of me playing the clarinet, this time my senior year of high school instead of eighth grade. Huge difference, right?

By graduation, I was a big tubby. My body has absolutely no shape.

Check out my arms in this picture with my kitty cat.

This is me on the left after my first year of college when me and my roommates ate like crazy all year. Thunder thighs and double chin.

So how did this happen? I've been thinking a lot about it. What happened in high school that I started eating more? I think I have figured it out. I found out my sophomore year of high school that I did not have Celiac Disease, a disease which makes you sick if you eat gluten, which is in pretty much everything, like wheat, barley, and rye. So when I found out I didn't have it after seven years of thinking that I did (I never stuck to the diet very well anyway, because I never got sick from eating gluten) I started eating gluten products like pizza and donuts like crazy because I didn't have to show restraint anymore. I also started working in fast food. I loved that job, it was so much fun and I loved the people I worked with, and I hate to say it, but I ate that food pretty much every day. Who knows, maybe I would have gotten fat anyway. I love food, and I have an addictive personality, so it's a good thing I don't drink or smoke. But those are the culprits I have found. I can't change the past, but I can change the future.

What am I grateful for today? Today I am grateful for all the trials I've been through in my life. Everyone always says this, but everything I just said in this post I am grateful for because it is a learning experience. I now know what not to do in my future. I am grateful for the mistakes I've made in my life so that I won't make them again.

Motivation Failures

I bought this dress over three years ago to motivate me to lose weight. Don't do that, by the way. It's stupid, and it doesn't work. It didn't for me anyway. Clothes aren't a good enough motivator. Although I am very happy to fit into this dress now, you can see it didn't work to motivate me when I bought it. Everyone needs to find their own motivation that works for them. Clothes didn't work to motivate me, and neither did competition with friends or family or even money!

Anyway, I came home to show my family one day and my brother says to me, "You aren't done losing weight, are you?" Shocking. Nothing like a brother to keep you on track of your goals. To my other brother's credit, this was a different brother from the flabby comment. A third brother has told me that I look good, but that he looks better, so none of them are innocent.

As promised, I am ending this post with what I am grateful for today.

Today I am grateful for my roommate. She went on a Walmart run with me at 11:00 at night, even though she did not want to, so that I could buy nylons for work. She is pretty awesome!

Sharing - Isn't it About Time?

I'm really happy in this new body, and I'm really happy that I am continuing to have success. It feels so good! When I'm happy, I like to share. What's better than sharing? Nothing, in my opinion. Nothing makes me happier than to spread my own happiness. So I thought I'd share a list of the "pros" involved in weight loss. That, of course, means that you must include a list of "cons." Crazy, I know, but there actually are a couple.

Pros:

• feel better about myself
• way more energy
• I can wear my cute clothes again (until they don't fit anymore either)
• I can cross my legs again - when you're fat, you can't cross your legs!
• going shopping is way more fun now, even though I'm too poor to buy very much
• I haven't been to a doctor or anything, but I assume I'm healthier
• I don't feel like I have to hide myself anymore - I used to put pillows in front of me when I would sit down
• I get free drinks at the Bevron (for those of you who don't know, you get beverages at Chevron, so you can call it the Bevron) when certain people are working there. I'm pretty sure that wouldn't have happened 44 pounds ago
• I'm still in discovery mode - when I hug myself and part of me is missing, it's quite exciting! My wrists are smaller. It's really weird figuring these things out.

Cons:

• I no longer feel justified in parking in the "Expectant Mother" parking spot at the Bowman's in Kaysville - man, that's a really good spot...
• I'm having a pretty serious issue with running out of clothes that fit and being too poor to replace them

There they are! I think the pros outweigh the cons...

P.S. I'm really grateful for a lot of things in my life right now. I don't express my gratitude enough. So from now on I'm going to end each post with what I'm grateful for that day.

Today I am grateful for good running music that keeps me pumped up.

Results Show

As you know by now, Sundays are my weigh in day. I have a very accurate scale. It calculates your Body Mass Index, your water weight, your body fat percentage, and it keeps track of your goals and everything. It's pretty cool, but today I was pretty annoyed with it. It told me that I had lost 1.8 pounds. Really?!? It couldn't just round up to 2? That's what I get for having a high tech scale.

As for this week's recap, it was a pretty good week. I started a new job this week, so I was pretty busy and I only exercised once (oops). I did the Body for Life running routine one time this week, which is always a killer exercise. This week should be less hectic, so hopefully I'll be able to get some more workouts in. I lost another pant size this week, which is always very exciting. I love the feeling of loose pants, even though it leads to the stress of wondering how I'm going to come up with the money to buy another pair.

So another 7-8 sticks of butter are missing from my body this week, and the total count is now at 44.2

Wardrobe Malfunction

I had no idea what a problem finding clothes was going to be. All my "skinny" clothes that I had in my closet for years that I didn't fit into are now too big. There are two spectrums here. While I am of course totally exhilarated about this, and super encouraged to keep going, it is also catastrophic on my wardrobe. There is only so much my budget can handle right now! I have been going through my jeans like crazy. I have been through five pant sizes now, and jeans aren't cheap! I can only wear Calvin Klein jeans. I have a pretty serious metal allergy, and Calvin Klein jeans are the only jeans that I don't get a reaction from the metal button. Well, Calvin Klein jeans are generally $70. When you go through five pairs of jeans over the course of a few months, this is not cheap, however, I recently found out that Ross sells them for $20-$30!

Here is the typical old pants picture. I get rid of my "fat" clothes when they don't fit anymore, so these actually aren't mine. This is my old size, and I'm trying them on at the mall. These are size 18 pants.

This is me in my newly christened size 10 pants. I don't remember the last time I fit into size 10 pants, probably sophomore year in high school. Like I said, I've been going through these jeans super fast, so I already have my size 8 pants ready to go.

Jeans are one thing. Work clothes are an entire other story. Here's an annoying story: I bought a new pair of black slacks for my new job on Wednesday because my old ones were too big. I tried them on and everything, but apparently I was in a hurry, because a few days later I realize that they are too loose. I'm pretty annoyed I bought them. Clothes shopping is a whole new experience now, by the way. I still go straight for the larger sizes, and it takes me a minute to realize those aren't going to fit anymore. It's pretty awesome.

So what should I do??? I can't keep buying clothes every time I drop a size. I usually end up walking around wearing really baggy clothes. It's uncomfortable, and I look terrible, but what can I do? If I find something that fits I'll wear it several times a week. My mom is willing to tailor certain articles of clothing, like skirts, but what about shirts and dress pants? Does anyone have any suggestions?

Lifestyle Change

One thing that me and my mom have talked about for years is the topic of today's blog post. Someone in your life is always on a diet, whether it is yourself, a friend, or a family member, someone is always on a diet. People are always talking about diets. It's the number one scam out there, it's in all the magazines and talk shows. The truth is there is no easy fix to losing weight. It's a long battle. But there are ways to make it easier.

When me and my mom would have discussions about going on a diet, we would invariably decide that we didn't want to go on a diet. Diets tend to fail. They are hard. It's just a bunch of rules that you don't want to follow. What we would decide is that we would want to just have a "lifestyle change." What does that mean? Change your lifestyle habits so that they are healthier. Don't just do a crash diet, lose a bunch of weight really fast, go back to your old habits, and gain it all back. This is called yo-yo dieting and is extremely unhealthy. Change your lifestyle, lose weight slowly, and when you're done losing weight, your habits have changed. Eat like a normal healthy person. A normal person going out for ice cream doesn't eat the whole gallon. A normal person still goes out to eat every once in a while. A normal person eats dessert. They just don't overdo it. It's okay to go out to eat. It's okay to have a cookie. If you follow too rigid of a diet plan, it is likely that it will fail. If you restrict yourself too much, you end up binging later.

I'm hoping for a lifestyle change. My diet is probably a little too strict, but I'm doing really well. I go out to eat with my friends, and I feel like I have created a good balance for myself. When I'm done losing weight, I have done it in a way that I don't believe I will have a problem with possibly gaining weight back. I'm not fixated on food anymore, it doesn't control my life. I will have a healthier lifestyle when I'm done going down this path.

Before and After... So Far

So a few people have asked me to post some before and after pictures, which is kind of funny since I am not done losing weight. But since I have lost a significant amount of weight so far, I guess it's a valid request.

To be honest, it was kind of hard to even find a recent picture of me at my peak weight, and I'm not even sure if this is the best

one, but it's definitely embarrassing enough, so I'll stick with it. I never liked to have pictures taken of me back then. And since I have been losing weight on and off since last February, my before picture had to be a little old. This picture is from last Halloween. If you can't tell, I was Miss Peacock. This picture makes me sad because me and my friends dressed up together as the ladies from Clue and were so excited, and I got all dolled up for it. But a pretty face doesn't hide a fat body.

So here is my after picture. Taken almost a year after my before picture. I'm in my backyard with my roommate's puppies. You can really tell in the face! I know it's the same person, but I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I hardly recognize myself. I have a friend who lost a bunch of weight, and she told me she got rid of all of her "fat" pictures. I can't really see myself doing that. They are still

a record of my life, no matter how much I don't like how I look in them. We'll see though, because I really hate looking at some of those old pictures.

There's a second picture showing how stinking cute those puppies are.

So there they are. I still have more weight to lose, I haven't forgotten about that. When I'm done losing weight, we'll see how dramatic the before and after pictures are.

This Week's Recap

This week I think went really well. I started exercising this week. In order to start exercising, I had to start eating more. I really wasn't eating enough to be able to have the metabolism to maintain an exercise program, and certain family members and friends were being annoyingly concerned, even though I TOLD them I was going to eat more. The problem was finding food that was cheap enough for me now that I am poor. It also had to be easy to prepare because I am lazy. It also had to be high energy food because I needed to eat more to start exercising. A lot of foods fit in this category, it turns out, but I am also a very picky eater. So I added oatmeal and eggs to my diet, and it worked out very well this week.

On Monday I did my first Body for Life running routine, and it couldn't have been a more positive experience. Tuesday I did the Body for Life upper body workout with free weights. Wednesday I did another running routine, and Friday I did the Body for Life lower body workout with free weights. Body for Life is killer. I'm ridiculously sore. I've done a whole Body for Life session in the past, which is 12 weeks of doing these routines six days a week. I'm not gonna do that. I felt four days this week was sufficient. My goal is going to be to do these Body for Life routines three to four times a week, depending on how hectic my school and work schedules are.

The results: Sundays are my official weigh in days. I lost another 0.6 pounds. They say muscle weighs more than fat, so maybe I gained a bunch of muscle this week??? Probably not quite yet. I always figured that was a load of bull. Anyways, things are going well. Another 2 sticks of butter are missing since last week. Yeah!

I've been asked to post some before and after pictures. I'm not done losing weight yet, but I guess I can do that here in a couple of days.