Thursday, December 30, 2010

New Year's Resolutions

I mentioned in my last post that I had been thinking about what my New Year's Resolutions would be this year. I've never been very successful with New Year's Resolutions before, which is something that I've seen being addressed on other blogs. Other people are changing the word resolution to the word intention. New Year's Intentions. I feel like that is a cop out. It's like you are intending to fail by saying that. You are giving yourself the okay to not meet your goals. So I am sticking with resolutions.

As I said before, my weight loss goals aren't my top priority this year. Crazy, I know. Weight loss has been my top goal every New Year for who knows how long now. But I am getting pretty close to my goal already, so I already know I'm going to make it. I can concentrate on other things at the same time. So here they are:
  • Be a positive influence to those around me. I want to be able to inspire those who read my blog as well as those I interact with in real life. This is very important to me. It feels good to know I can make a difference.
  • Get a career path going from the job I currently have.
  • Be more open with my friends and family.
  • Make it to my goal of 115 lbs by June 2011. This is really scary to put a date to the goal, but what is a goal without a deadline?
  • Be more active. It's been really cold, and my workout equipment is in my parent's garage. I need a different form of exercise I guess. That, or I need to stop being a baby and just do it anyway! I don't want to get flabby!
  • Once I make it to 115 lbs, figure out how to maintain that weight and keep it off FOR GOOD!
  • I have a buttload of drawing projects I need to do...
Today I am grateful for my friend Chris. He doesn't read my blog, so I'm safe using his name. :)

Tuesday, December 28, 2010


So my brother is home from Texas for Christmas, and when he first saw me he could not believe his eyes. He was absolutely shocked. It's pretty nice when I run into people I haven't seen in a while and they hardly recognize me. It happens every once in a while. Anyway, he was telling me how great I look and I was getting all embarrassed and stuff and I told him I still had a long way to go. He said I didn't have that much farther to go. This is not the typical brotherly comment I'm used to. He was trying to get me to give him numbers, which I wasn't quite willing to do. But it got me thinking. It's the end of the year, and this is the first year in a long time where it's been time to make my New Year's Resolutions and I haven't been overwhelmed by an enormous weight loss goal. It's kind of nice. In fact, weight loss isn't even the top priority on my list this year. I haven't decided yet really.

Today I'm grateful that I made the decision to live a healthier lifestyle all those months ago. It makes this time of year so much easier.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Christmas Weigh In

Christmas was quite eventful. My family ate at Texas Roadhouse on Christmas Eve. I ate too many rolls and had the pulled pork dinner with Caesar salad and a sweet potato. I don't know why anyone would pick a regular potato over a sweet potato. Oh, and let me tell you. I am better than you because I eat Caesar salad and you eat House salad. Caesar salad is sooooooooo good!

Oh, and I did eat some of the candy from my stocking. It was really good. I still have a lot left. I'll probably give it away.

So I know I normally weigh in on Sundays, but it was just kind of a crazy day yesterday and I never got around to posting. In the interest of full disclosure, I should say that I actually weigh in everyday, but I only publish my findings on Sundays. You're not supposed to weigh in everyday as it kind of messes with your head, but I have found that it kind of keeps me on track during the week, so I'm probably not gonna stop. Anyway, after the Christmas holiday I had gained 1.2 pounds. But this morning I was back to the same weight from last week. Pick whichever weigh in you want. This week there will be no distractions!

Today I'm thankful for good advice.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Christmas Reflections

Isn't Christmas the best time of year? This has been a good one. My life is so much simpler this year than it has been in year's past. My favorite part about Christmas is giving presents. I pride myself on my gift giving skills. Nothing makes me happier than to get a good reaction from a present.

Christmas is a good time to reflect on the year as it comes to a close. 2010 is a year I will never forget. So many changes took place in the course of this year for me (like losing close to 59 pounds among other things), and I don't remember a year I've been happier. Here are my top nine days (I'm lame and couldn't think of a spectacular tenth day worth mentioning) in 2010:

9. Trip to Crystal Hot Springs. Swimming and Campfire afterwards - doesn't get better than that!
8. Day before Thanksgiving when I went four wheeling with a bunch of friends.
7. Jazz Game back in February with a few friends - almost witnessed my friend get into a fight after being told that his cheering was annoying, it was pretty funny!
6. Poker Night - Out of nine people playing, I came in third. What?!? Normally I'm one of the first out!
5. UFC Fight Night - I never would have guessed that I would enjoy watching men fight, but it really is very entertaining!
4. Trip to Provo to visit the afflicted. Me and two friends drove down to see an old friend of ours who was getting married soon - meaning we were never gonna see him again, so it was basically like he was dying. Went out to eat, had a big campfire, good times.
3. The night I was told I had written a very thoughtful letter. I know, I'm lame for being vague.
2. Illegal fireworks in Plain City for Independence Day - which we happened to be celebrating on my birthday. Corruption! Best firework EVAR! Best birthday EVAR! I will never enjoy regular fireworks again.
1. 311 Concert in July - I've seen them live twice, and they are AMAZING. They put on such a good show! I spent a few months working on getting cheap tickets, finally found a good deal and got a bunch of tickets for a bunch of friends and got off work early that day. 311 did not disappoint! There were crazy people everywhere, crazy stuff happened, lots of good stories, and lots of good times!

2011 should be just as great. To end my post, here is me in my Christmas dress. My roommate had me pose, and I felt really silly.

Today I'm thankful for all the good fortune that has befallen me this year and for my friends and family who I'm sharing the Christmas holidays with. I hope those of them that are reading this recognize the events above that they shared with me. Merry Christmas everyone!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Christmas Candy

I would say that I am pretty strict with my diet overall. When I "indulge" and go out to eat or something, I am still very careful with portions, so I hardly feel like I am cheating. My friend asked me once if I would consider what I was eating a cheat or not, and I said no. Then again, another thing to consider is what else I had eaten that day.

Every once in a while I will go out for ice cream or slush, but I can't eat near as much of it as I used to be able to. My treat is my Diet Dr. Pepper. Mmmmmm.....

One thing I absolutely have NOT allowed myself in months is candy. I hate walking by the candy bar aisle in grocery stores. Reese's, Snickers, and Butterfingers call out to me, but I haven't partaken in months. I think I had a couple of bite sized Butterfingers at work on Halloween and a bit of homemade chocolate that a customer brought in the other day, but other than that, I haven't had any chocolate or candy. I talk all the time about maintaining balance in your diet and creating a lifestyle change rather than deleting entire food groups and restricting yourself. I feel like I've done a really good job with this, except that I do not allow myself to have candy. And I LOVE candy! Which is why I'm afraid to eat it.

I did fantastic at Thanksgiving. I didn't overeat at all. I plan to do fantastic at Christmas as well by not overeating. My new lifestyle is much more comfortable. I don't go to bed in pain and I don't get heartburn anymore. None of this is a question for me. My question is: should I allow myself to have the candy in my stocking this year? Should I ask Santa to not fill my stocking? Should I ask Santa to fill my stocking with less candy than everyone else's stockings? I for sure don't want as much candy as everyone else will get. I feel like I want some, but can I handle it this year?

Today I'm grateful for my friends who take time out of their schedule to partake in art time with me. I have so many drawing projects that I need to finish, but they'll never get done without company!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Great Expectations Gone Sour

Sometimes things don't work out the way you plan. Sometimes trips get cancelled at the last minute. Sometimes you spend your weekend in a hospital because your roommate needs to have her gall bladder taken out. I was more than happy to take her, let's just say that it wasn't my idea of the fun filled weekend at California I had been planning. Sigh...

So I didn't end up having to hold myself accountable to eating well while in California, so I didn't do a weigh in before and after. I'm sticking to Sunday weigh ins.

This week went really well. I had a ginormous burger at Red Robin but I still had a loss of 2.8 lbs for a grand total of 58.8 lbs. I am really glad that I have been able to find a balance for eating more normal and still be able to lose weight. I'm happy to see a big number for this week again.

Today I'm thankful that my brother is home from Texas for Christmas. I had a really crappy couple of days, so it was REALLY good to see him.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

What I See in the Mirror

Today you will find my post elsewhere. I did a guest post at A Merry Life. Mary is awesome, and I'm so excited that she let me have the opportunity to write on her website!

Here is the link to get to her website:

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

"Because You're Skinny"

When I was a little girl, I took a ballet class for two years. I loved ballet, and it was a lot of fun. But I wasn't very committed to it, as I was never a very girly girl, so I didn't continue after that. I was remembering the other day about a conversation I had with my first year ballet teacher way back then. I was probably nine years old at the time. We were taught to suck our stomachs in while dancing. When I did this, my ribs would poke out. I asked my teacher why my ribs poked out? What did that mean? Her answer was very simple. Much too simple for me to accept. She said "because you're skinny." I laughed at her and told her that was not true. All the other girls in the class were skinny, but not me!

What a sad reaction for a little girl to have. Why didn't I believe her? Here is a picture of my ballet class after our recital that year. I am in the front row in the middle, third to the right. Sorry for the terrible picture quality. I'm not the skinniest girl in the class, which must be why I didn't accept my teacher's answer. It was always one extreme or the other for me. But I was average. I look just like everyone else in the class.

Why was I thinking about this the other day? Because I'm starting to be able to see my ribs again. This is not because I am skinny. What does skinny mean anyway? Everyone seems to have their own definition. I have decided to define it as being in a healthy weight range. This means I am not quite "skinny" yet, but I am getting close. So even though I didn't believe my ballet teacher all those years ago, maybe I'll believe her soon.

Today I'm grateful for all the crazy bones I can now see. Like my ribs, and whatever the bones around your neck are.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

A Challenge

This week started out terrible in terms of eating as I was stressed out of my mind because of finals week at school. But that is over now, and the second half of the week went much better, and I was able to scrape by with a loss. I lost 1 pound for a grand total of 56 pounds lost. I'm still going, it's just been a slow two weeks!

Upcoming: I am going to California this weekend, so I will not be here to weigh myself or post my results next Sunday. I know, I know, this will be a break from consistency, but I gotta go! I need a break. I'm super excited to go with some awesome friends of mine, it's gonna be a blast. I haven't decided yet if I will weigh in on Thursday before I leave or on Wednesday when I get back. Maybe both, and we'll see how I do on the trip. That will give me some accountability. So I guess I'm challenging myself to eat well while in California.

Today I'm grateful that school is out.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Authenticity: A Strength or Weakness?

It's time for this months edition of the Self Discovery Word by Word Series. This month it is being hosted by Katie at Health for the Whole Self and the word she picked was authenticity.

When I first found out that the word for this month was authenticity, I was in the dark a little. I just didn't have an immediate idea of what I would write about like I did with the other topics. Gratitude was super easy for me, of course. With the vulnerability topic, I immediately knew what I would talk about, it was just hard for me to decide to open up. It's hard for me to want to talk about my weaknesses. I had to dig pretty deep to decide what thoughts I had on authenticity.

I obviously know what authenticity is. Being authentic is being original. It is being true to one's own personality. I think I am perhaps a little too good at being true to my personality. One of my favorite bands is 311. They have a song called "Strong All Along" and my favorite lyric goes:

Don't be afraid whatever you've got, show
Flaunt your personality, let me know your style

I am a BIG advocate for flaunting your personality. When people meet me, they tend to get to know me pretty fast. I showcase my personality, and I want to see other peoples personalities too. Of course, this isn't always a good thing. Some people see me for what I am, which is someone who is reaching out to others and legitimately wants to have fun. But my big personality intimidates others. I accept myself for who I am, but this is something I have been trying to work on. I am straightforward and loud, but I have been trying not to scare people.

I am definitely authentic when it comes to being true to my personality. Another side to authenticity is how genuine you are. You know when you talk to someone who is so perfectly nice, and when you finish your conversation with them you have the feeling that they were just so fake? Yeah, you'll NEVER get that with me. Why? I can't fake it. I am 100% genuine at all times. This is not a good thing. I really try super hard to be nice, but people can see right through me! When someone talks to me, they know EXACTLY how I feel about them. I'm too authentic for my own good I guess. I cannot not be genuine, no matter how hard I try. Lucky for me, I genuinely like most people I interact with, so I don't have to worry about it too often.

Authenticity sounds like it should be a strength, but in my case I would call it a weakness. Perhaps if I could learn to tone it down a little? Mix in a warm glass of shut the heck up every once in a while? Definitely something I need to learn to do.

I don't really know how to relate this to my weight loss journey. However, I have really liked this Self Discovery Word by Word Series. As I have lost weight and continue to lose weight, I discover more about myself each day. I am working on the things about myself I want to change, and I have accepted the things I can't change. This series gives me the opportunity for self reflection.

Today I'm thankful for my co-workers. They got to know me pretty fast, and they accept me weaknesses and all. They know I'm just playin.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Who are your friends really?

I've noticed a lot of changes in the months since I have lost weight and began a healthier lifestyle. Most have been really good, but it seems that there are some consequences to losing weight. How can I describe this? When you lose a significant amount of weight, you start to become a different person. It's not that I have a different personality or like different things, it's more like I'm not willing to put up with the crap I used to. I'm discovering myself, and in doing so, I'm finding out what I'm not willing to deal with.

For example, I used to be the fat friend amongst a group of skinny girls. This was definitely hard on my body image. This isn't really the case anymore. I haven't reached my goal yet, but I'm not the fat friend anymore (I don't think???) Most of my friends have been extremely supportive and have been there for me in every way they can be. But I have some friends who have slipped away in the last few months. Is this because I have changed or because they have changed? I assumed for the last few months that it was because they had changed - until a conversation I had with a family member. They told me that sometimes when people lose weight they'll have friends who can't handle it and will stop being friends with them because of it. I can't process this. Why wouldn't you be happy for a friend for changing their life for the better? I decided to research this.

After researching this, I found out that this adverse reaction from friends to weight loss is quite common. John McGrail, a clinical hypnotherapist and behavior expert says, "Human beings are hard-wired to resist change, so it's not uncommon to encounter some resistance whenever change occurs."

Accomplishing a goal can remind your unhappy friends of their own unsuccessful attempts at accomplishing their goals. It can also bring out their insecurities. These insecurities bring out snide remarks directed at me. Don't worry, I can handle it. My ego is intact.

This article I read suggested that I try to think how I would feel if the situation were switched. How would I feel if I had a friend who had lost weight? Would I feel resentment and anger and stop being friends with them, or would I feel happy for them? Well, I have had friends lose a SIGNIFICANT amount of weight in the past. I was definitely jealous! I wanted to lose weight too! Did I stop being friends with them? No! Was I genuinely happy for them? ABSOLUTELY!

This article and this blog post both had the same thing to say about the quality of friends. The friends you lose due to weight loss aren't that great of friends anyway. The friends who stick with you are friends worth having.

In thinking about this, it is totally true. It's like I said at the beginning of this post. What am I willing to deal with anyway? That blog post really made me think. If a friend can't be happy for me for becoming healthier, how much do I really care that we aren't really friends anymore?

Today, obviously, I'm grateful for my friends who stick with me through thick and thin, literally. :)

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Good News Minute... and Weigh In

This week wasn't great in terms of eating. As in I ate unhealthy everyday. When I say that, I don't mean that I ate a lot, just unhealthy. I don't think I'll ever stuff myself again, it's too uncomfortable. So I wasn't that surprised when I didn't lose any weight this week. I weigh the same this week as I did last week. I'm okay with that though, because I lost 7.4 lbs in the last three weeks, one of those weeks being Thanksgiving. That's pretty good! I'll do better this week.

On a happier note, I had a very pleasant trip to the mall yesterday. Remember how I've lost quite a few inches? Well, this has been devastating on my budget, particularly since once you've gone Victoria's Secret, you can't go back... or something else that rhymes. So I've paid a visit to Victoria's Secret about once a month to replenish my stock with smaller items which has been pretty annoying and expensive, but worth it. Well, they do this thing in November called Secret Santa where you can come back in December and find out how much your card is worth. Usually it's only $10 but it can be $50, $100, or $500. My card was $100! I was freaking out! I totally deserved this! I am one lucky girl. So I got $100 worth of free stuff at Victoria's Secret that I desperately needed, and they threw in a free tank top for "spending" more than $60! Which I promptly started wearing as pajamas.

I know you guys like pictures. I got two new dresses this week. Dresses are my favorite thing to shop for, especially now. I love this new dress!

What am I thankful for today? You guessed it. Victoria's Secret.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Eating Out

It’s okay to go out to eat with your friends when you’re on a diet. If you’re careful. If you don’t let yourself have a little fun every once in a while, your diet will never be successful. In my experience anyway. With too much restriction, you risk the chance of binging later on. Instead, change your eating habits. Make a lifestyle change. Control your portions rather than worrying about deleting entire food groups from your menu. This will save you from yo-yo dieting and help you maintain your weight loss. I feel like I have found a good balance on how to eat out with my friends. Here are some examples:

One of my favorite places to eat out is the Olive Garden. I love Italian food. Olive Garden is notorious for their unlimited salad and bread sticks. News flash: you don’t have to eat all the bread sticks. I decided to become a one bread stick girl. That is easy when you are with girls. I’m happy with one bread stick. As for salad, as long as I get my tomato and my olive, I don’t need a bottomless bowl. I’ll finish my one plate of salad and wait for my entrée. Hopefully you can talk someone into sharing with you, and with Olive Garden, I can usually get someone to split an entrée with me. So the only problem is selecting your meal. Luckily, Olive Garden is delicious, and it’s hard to go wrong.

It’s a bit harder to eat with guys. For some reason, they want you to eat more. They aren’t okay with you eating only one bread stick. It bugs them when you don’t want to eat chips and salsa. Like when I went to Chili’s with a couple of my guy friends a while back. They were outright offended that I did not want to partake in the appetizer. It annoyed them further when I ordered a turkey sandwich and did not eat the fries that came with it and took half of the sandwich home for later. Well, they got to eat my side, didn’t they?

Most often when I go out to eat with friends, we go out for sushi. Sushi is AWESOME when you are dieting. Sushi is surprisingly low in calories. Even the tempura fried sushi! Obviously, some types of sushi have more calories than others. Look it up before you go and see what fits into your calorie budget for that day. The bad thing about sushi is that it isn’t very filling. But it’s not as hard to fill me up these days, and it is delicious, so who cares? We typically go during happy hour when you can get sushi rolls for half off, so you can get two rolls for the price of one. I should only get one roll, but I usually get two just because I can never pick only one kind! Then you get to swap with your friends and try a bunch of different kinds… ooooohhhh…. Sushi…..

It’s okay to eat out. Just maintain balance and be careful with your portions. Skip appetizers and try to share your entrée with someone. It’s probably best to have water instead of soda, although I love me my Diet Dr. Pepper! The nice thing about dieting is that it’s like a diet on your wallet too. You don’t have to pay two bucks for a soda and you only pay for half of an entrée if you share with someone.

Today I’m grateful for Tepenyaki. I got to eat there last night for my work Christmas party and it was delicious, and an entertaining experience. They cook the food in front of you!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Eyes Bigger than the Stomach

Do you wanna know how I lost the first forty pounds? By eating practically nothing every day. I would have a breakfast shake in the morning and I would eat high fiber cereal at night. Oh, and of course lots of lots of water and Diet Dr. Pepper. I knew I wasn't being healthy, but I justified it by saying I was getting all my vitamins and minerals from my breakfast shake (those things are jam packed!) and by saying whatever I wasn't getting my body could take from my extra reserves. Of course I was hungry, but I was FOCUSED like I never have been before in my life. Something in me had clicked and I just wanted the weight gone and FAST. So I was ravenous, but had no cravings. Nothing sounded good. I literally did not want to eat. I have never experienced that before, and probably never will again. Those feelings are gone now. I crave food again. But that period lasted just long enough that my habits have changed, and I have self-control and will power now.

I have wonderful people in my life who all were concerned about what I was eating. It was pretty annoying actually. I was so focused on losing weight, and everyone was telling me to eat more. But I knew they were right, and I realized that if I wanted the weight loss to stick, I would have to lose it slower and in a healthier way. So I eat a lot more normal now. I've had slow weight loss weeks and I've had incredible weight loss weeks since starting to eat more normal. I am very happy with the balance I have created.

One thing I have found since my return to eating more normal is that my eyes are bigger than my stomach. Have you heard this term before? I'll have a plate of food and I won't be able to finish it. I still give myself servings that I would have been able to eat 55 lbs ago. My stomach has shrunk significantly, and my eyes haven't adjusted yet! Something I need to be careful with. But I have learned to recognize that I am full and to PUT DOWN THE FORK! Whereas in the past I would have cleaned the plate. Unless I realize I am full when there are two bites left, then I finish. Get off my back!


Today I am grateful for my bed. It is ginormous and comfortable and warm, and much too big for my bedroom. It's been really cold lately, and I just want to stay in my bed all day long!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Post Thanksgiving Weigh In

Thanksgiving is a bad week for dieters. Everyone overeats, and why shouldn't they? That's the point of Thanksgiving. I decided not to. I'm just not a fan of Thanksgiving food, so what's the point in ruining my diet just for the sake of stuffing myself silly along with everyone else? I very easily could have. I had to make the decision not to.

It paid off! I lost another 2 lbs for a grand total of 55 lbs! No holidays are getting in my way this year!

Today I am grateful that my sister-in-law is visiting for a week from Texas. I won't get to see her much, but I'm still really excited!

Friday, November 26, 2010

Thanksgiving Recap

I had a pretty eventful Thanksgiving. Let me tell you about it. The night before Thanksgiving I went four-wheeling with a bunch of friends and had a lot of fun. My friends picked me up at my parent's house instead of at my house, and when I got dropped off at my parent's house at three o'clock in the morning, my car was blocked in! It was freezing cold, and I was really tired and didn't feel like moving cars around, so I decided to sleep on my parent's couch.


My brother woke up about twenty minutes after I got home and decided that the house was burning down. I guess he could smell smoke, and so he woke up my dad and they started turning on lights and wandering around the house trying to find the source of the smell. That was really annoying, as I was trying to sleep! They never found anything, and the house didn't burn down.

The next morning, the day of Thanksgiving. I guess three boxes of stuffing isn't enough for my family, so me and my little brother were sent to the store to get more. Oh, and I needed some Diet Dr. Pepper to get me through the day. :) It turns out that taking my mom's car to the store is FREAKING AWESOME because she has a handicapped parking pass from her injury a couple of months ago that is valid for another couple of months! My little brother has been taking full advantage of this for months now, but yesterday was the first day I got to benefit from it. We parked right next to the entrance and bought four more boxes of stuffing for a total of SEVEN boxes of stuffing.

As for what I ate? Not a big fan of Thanksgiving food, so it was pretty easy for me to stay on track. I had some stuffing (of course, we had seven boxes of it), some yams, and an orange roll. I did not eat myself silly, and when they brought out the pie later, I did not have any. Not because I am Super Woman or something like that, I just really don't like pie. Pie, pie, pie, all they could talk about was pie! Let me tell you: pie is overrated. Give me some ice cream, then we'll talk.

I'm really glad I don't eat my feelings anymore.

Since this is my Thanksgiving post, I should probably mention how grateful I am for my family. They really suck sometimes, but at least I know they love me and care about me.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

A Different View

So a lot of weight loss bloggers are a lot more open about numbers than I am. They tell how much they weighed from the beginning and everything including inches lost in different areas of their body. To me, that is so incredibly brave! I am way too insecure to be revealing most of that information. I have mentioned before that I will be revealing that information once I hit a specific milestone. It's a silly milestone probably, but it's important to me, and it's not too far off.

The most I have revealed to this point is how much weight I have lost so far. That doesn't mean much if you don't know how much I weighed to begin with. I've been pretty bummed that I didn't keep track of how many inches I have lost since I started losing weight last February 2010. Aside from weight loss, inches lost is a pretty big indicator of just how much fat you have actually dropped. But I wasn't thinking of this experience as an experiment when it all started back then, so I didn't measure myself in inches.

BUT... I found an old notebook from 2008! It has measurements that I took of myself from March 31, 2008. I was really excited when I found this. I gained twelve pounds between March 31, 2008 and February 2010, so these numbers I'm about to share are not at my peak weight, but twelve pounds off isn't bad, and it's the best I can do. I'm super stoked to have something to compare to in inches now!

March 31, 2008
Arms: 15"
Waist: 45"
Hip: 46"
Bust: 43"
Thigh: 31"
Band: 37" (underneath bust)

November 21, 2010
Arms: 11.5"
Waist: 30" - I might have measured in the wrong place back then...
Hip: 41"
Bust: 38" - I can't say I'm thrilled about this loss, but what can I do?
Thigh: 25"
Band: 32"

This is a different and fun way to look at it! I will continue to measure inches every so often and add it to my Progress page.

Today I am thankful for distractions that get me through my homework.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

A New Look! ...And a New Weigh In

Have I ever mentioned how confusing my body is? I have had some pretty amazing results the last two weeks, and I feel like I didn't even do good this week! I freaking ate at the Olive Garden! I guess I have gotten used to portion control. I feel invincible. Now I know that isn't true, and I'm sure that I will have it rough again in the future, but I feel like I'm on fire!

This week I lost 3 lbs for a total of 53 lbs lost. What the heck? Not complaining though.

In other good news, remember when I started wearing size 10 pants? Well, size 10 is too loose right now, so I went to the mall and got two new pairs of work pants and a new skirt, all size 8! They zip up and everything. However, the pants give me minor muffin top. So I'm gonna have to walk around with loose pants until the muffin top situation is taken care of. At this rate, it won't be much longer!

You might have noticed that my blog has a new look. I got tired of the old one. Much like myself! I just got my hair done last week, and I love it! Here's my new look below.

This is me at 53 lbs lost. This is the new skirt I was talking about.

And here is a close up of my super dark hair. It's never been this dark before, and I love it!

Today I'm grateful for those who build me up when I'm feeling down. Even those who aim to inspire need a little help sometimes.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Insert Clever Headline Here

So my friend Hannah at Hannah's Reductions tagged me in her latest blog post. I love reading her blog. She lives in New Zealand and is doing great on her weight loss journey. Her tag couldn't have come at a better time. The post I had set up to publish today is actually going to be a guest post on another blog on another day, which I'm really excited about. So I needed something else to do for today.

I really love the questions that she asked me, and I am SO excited to address them.

1) What is your biggest temptation to slip? Food or Emotion?

BOTH. Let me add a third though, and that would be peer pressure from friends (to any of them reading, don't worry, I'm not mad). I love food. It is delicious. Especially when you've had a bad day. Throw in a friend calling and saying "hey, let's go get dinner," and see if you can battle that. So yeah, I slip a lot. But it's okay, because I'm careful with portions, and like I've said a million times, I'm going for a lifestyle change, and it's working out for me.

2) Do you like what you see in the mirror currently?

Funny you should ask! That's actually what my guest post is about. It really depends on the day. I'll skip this one until you guys get to read the guest post. I'll put a link to the website it will be on once it is published.

3) What is the best tip/thing you think helps you with your current goal to lose weight?

Moral support from your family and friends. For example, if you have a friend who wants to go out for ice cream when you have just barely started your diet, and you tell them no, but they persist? It's okay to say no if you don't want ice cream. If that friend of yours decides that ice cream is more important than your friendship, so be it. I'm not saying that happened to me though... :)

Another thing is getting back on the horse. If you have a bad day, start again RIGHT AWAY. Not tomorrow, not next Monday, not next month! When I have a terrible lunch, I have to remind myself to go right back on my diet after lunch. Having a bad lunch doesn't make it a free binge day!

4) What do you think is the hardest thing about the weight loss journey?

Honestly the hardest thing about my weight loss journey has surprisingly been the emotional roller coaster. I had no idea how emotional it would be. I had no idea that losing weight would make me a different person. There may be other factors involved as well, but losing fifty pounds is a pretty big deal! I'm becoming a new person and the emotions are pretty crazy, and I'm definitely not used to it.

Today I am grateful for friends who call and say "hey, let's go get dinner." If I'm gonna slip, someone else better too!

Monday, November 15, 2010

My Vulnerabilities Exposed

Vulnerable: capable of being physically or emotionally wounded

I’ve been really excited for the next topic in the Self Discovery Word by Word Series. This month it is being hosted by Karen at Before & After: A Real Life Story. But then I found out that the word this month was vulnerability. Dang. This is not a subject I really want to talk about. Gratitude was super easy for me. I have a lot to be grateful for. But vulnerability is something that is not easy for me to discuss. That is why this post is my version of the popular Exposed Movement.

I am a pretty strong person. I am loud and obnoxious, and I have a big personality. I have been told that I don’t know how to whisper. I tend to intimidate people, which is definitely something that I do not do on purpose. I love to help and inspire people, but something about my personality tends to scare people. That is until they get to know me a little better. Then they figure out I’d never hurt anyone on purpose. I like to joke around and have fun (sometimes at the expense of whoever I'm with, oops). Being vulnerable is the LAST thing that people who know me would ever expect me to feel.

People assume that I am strong and have no emotion. They assume I’m never vulnerable. They assume wrong.

Those who know me the best have seen me at my most vulnerable moments. A while ago, I had a very stressful job for a year and a half, and I didn’t have a lot of support during that time. After that year and a half, I changed jobs within the same institution. Everyone knew me and knew my previous situation and they took me in and treated me like a wounded puppy. They knew what a strong person I was, but they could also sense that I had a bad time. They were like family. Well, a customer service situation came up at work one day that got pretty intense. My new coworkers came right to my aid and had my back and stood by my side in everything. I got teary eyed. Me being the person I am tried to hide this, but they caught on. They thought it was because of the intense situation. Believe me, I can handle intense situations. If I am anything, it is strong! I intimidate, not the other way around. The reason I got teary eyed was because I was not used to having the support of my coworkers like I did then. Having them rush to my aid like that was very new and refreshing, and it meant a lot to me, and I got emotional.

In regards to my weight loss journey, feeling vulnerable is something that I have felt a lot more than I am used to. I have mentioned time and again how emotional this journey has been. I’m not used to these emotions, so it’s very new for me. I’m used to being a rock! But when you lose a significant amount of weight, you start to become a new person. I’m still trying to figure myself out. While I’m figuring this out, I’m very susceptible to feelings of vulnerability. Things that never would have hurt my feelings before are starting to bother me. I bounce back quickly, because that’s just how I am. Things that people say or even what people don’t say can have an impact on me, which is new. Unfulfilled expectations from my weight loss journey also leave me feeling emotionally wounded.

How can I end this positively? Feelings of vulnerability are definitely a new thing for me since I’ve lost weight. But guess what else? I’m happier than I remember ever being. I’m not the same person I used to be, and I’m discovering more about myself every day. So I guess I’m grateful for feelings of vulnerability, because that makes me a little more normal. If I have to deal with some painful emotions to be this happy, I think I can handle that.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

I'm Kind of a Big Deal

I've lost 50 pounds!!! I have lost 2.4 lbs since last week, bringing me to a grand total of 50 lbs lost! So exciting! I'm pretty thrilled.

There is a term that other weight loss bloggers like to use that I want to bring up in this post, and that is non-scale victories. I feel like I had a pretty significant non-scale victory this week. Let me tell you about it.

When you are fat, you do not want to wear a swimming suit. Well, I had the opportunity to go to the Crystal Hot Springs this weekend. I love swimming, so I didn't ever usually say no to going swimming, but I was always very uncomfortable. Uncomfortable to the point that it wasn't even enjoyable for me. But this weekend I went to Crystal Hot Springs and put on my swimming suit and expected to look in the mirror and see the old me. I haven't been in a swimming suit in a long time. I saw a different person, and it was a little shocking. I definitely have lingering body image issues that I'm working on, but it was very nice to see an improvement in my swimming suit. I was not uncomfortable at all that night, and I had a lot of fun.

Rosie 1 Scale 0

Today I am grateful for my hair stylist. I got a new do, and I love it!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Here's Hoping

Every summer since I was eighteen I've been pretty successful at losing up to twenty pounds. And then the school starts and I gain it all back. Whether it was because I moved out for college, or because of the holidays, or because it gets cold and depressing, or whatever reason. It is a different reason every year probably. I am determined not to let that happen again. Here we are and it is already well into fall, and I haven't started gaining the weight back yet, so, as the title suggests, here's hoping.

I've never lost this much weight before. This time it will stick. This time I will make it to my end goal. I've always wondered if maybe it was because the holidays come around, and I pig out with the holiday season. But I hate Thanksgiving food. I mentioned that when I was younger I was "dianosed" with Celiac Disease and wasn't supposed to eat gluten for seven years before I was told that I didn't really have that. Well, gluten is in pretty much everything except potatoes and rice. Therefore, I have an extreme aversion to potatoes. So here comes Thanksgiving with turkey and gravy and potatoes. Not a huge fan of turkey or gravy, and I HATE potatoes. Stuffing? Nah. Salads are all right, nothing to get too excited about. And when it comes to dessert, pie is NOT my thing. I've never had a good pie crust. Crust tastes like cardboard to me. If I'm gonna have dessert, I want ice cream. So let's just say Thanksgiving isn't my holiday. So why is it that it messes me up every year?

It won't this year. I don't have the relationship with food this year that I've had in years past. I don't eat just to eat anymore.

Fall is a dreary time of year. It starts getting cold. The sky is dark, and the sun goes down sooner. Summer is over, and it's not coming back for months! Did I start overeating to comfort me? Sort of like how people go tanning in the winter? I don't know. I really don't know what would happen in years past to make me overeat after my summer weight loss. What I do know is that I am aware of this pattern, and I have a lot more to lose this year by not paying attention to this pattern. This year I've lost 47 pounds, not 20. This means that I will be much more careful.

Today I'm thankful for bank holidays. That's right, I am totally not at work today, HA!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Turn up the heat!

One thing I have noticed the last few weeks is how much colder I am this fall than I have been in years previous. My whole life I have gone around without a jacket or even a coat because I'm just too lazy to grab one. I always say you only need a jacket from the house to the car and from the car to wherever you're going. So if you can handle the cold for a few seconds you're okay. But this year for the first time, I've been a lot colder than ever before!

I always told people that I'd much rather be cold than hot, which is still true. You can do more about being cold than you can about being hot. I used to jokingly tell people that I could handle the cold better than they could because I had a lot more insulation than they did because of my fat. I say jokingly, because who knows if that is even true or not? Well, I have lost close to fifty pounds this year right before winter, so I decided to research it and see if there was any truth to it.

So does me losing weight have anything to do with me being colder than normal? Or is it just a coincidence? My research* shows that there are two reasons that those experiencing weight loss would be cold. Fat is an insulator, as I used to joke about. When you lose fat, you lose insulation, and you feel cold. So apparently I learned that in school at some point and wasn't just making it up. But the second reason is because my metabolic cell processes aren't working as hard as when I was heavier. It takes fewer calories and less energy to maintain and move my smaller body, and as a result, less heat is generated to move me around.

I have good news and bad news. I'll tell you the good news first. My body temperature will become normal again once my weight stabilizes. Rapid weight loss throws off your body and it is caught off guard. It needs time to catch up. Until then I need to wear more clothes I guess. Now for the bad news. Apparently those who exercise regularly experience less chilling than those who don't exercise. So I guess my body is hinting at me that I need to exercise more than I have been. Dang it!

This was a fun little research project. Maybe I'm just cold for no reason and it has nothing to do with my weight loss. Maybe my office just needs to turn up the heat, because I'm freezing!

*This article is in reference to gastric bypass patients, but it also talks about significant weight loss in general. There are also forums supporting this on

Today I'm grateful for my boots and my pea coat. They keep me warmer and they're super cute!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Weigh In Results

This week was actually a pretty good week in terms of eating. It's hard to judge, because I'm going for a lifestyle change rather than strict dieting. Some days I do stay on a strict diet, and some days I'm a bit more lax. This is to ensure that I am creating a healthier lifestyle for myself rather than a crash diet and yo-yo pattern. This way my weight loss will stick. But this week I was stricter than normal.

My problem seems to be the same each week. Why is it that I just cannot seem to find the time to exercise? Oh yeah. It's because I like to sleep. I did a lower body workout on Monday, and that is it.

Results: I lost 1.4 lbs for a grand total of 47.6 lbs. Hooray!

Today I'm grateful for the movie Inception. I finally saw it, and it was freaking awesome! I really should have seen it when it first came out like everyone told me to.

Friday, November 5, 2010

How Fast Can You Lose Weight?

So I've been creating graphs to chart my progress so far. I had a week a with some pretty intense cravings and it was hard for me to remember to stay on top of my diet, so I decided to remind myself why I'm doing this by showing myself how good I've done so far. You can find the graph I created on my new Progress page. I created three graphs. The first one I created shows my actual weight starting back in February when I got put on my new seizure medication. As I have mentioned, I don't feel secure enough quite yet to reveal this information, but I will soon. The second graph I made shows my BMI since February. Same with weight, I feel like BMIs are a little too revealing, so this graph, too, will soon be revealed, but not quite yet. However, the third graph I created shows how much weight I have lost since February. This third graph I made is the one you'll find on the Progress page.

The tricky part about this is that I did not maintain accurate records, so a lot of this is guesswork until September. They are very educated guesses though. Like I am assuming for instance that I was at my peak weight when I went in for my neurologist appointment back in February. I dropped ten pounds without really doing anything on my own, so I guessed that two months later I was at a weight ten pounds less. Between then and somewhere in July I tried half-heartedly to eat better since I was on medicine that hindered my appetite, and I ended up yo-yoing back and forth another five to ten pounds. It was in July that I made a conscious decision that I was going to take dieting seriously. That is when you see the graph going up significantly. Between the middle of July and the beginning of October I lost another 30 pounds. That is ten weeks, for three pounds a week! It's no wonder I have been unsatisfied with my rate of weight loss lately after my rapid weight loss earlier this fall.

This got me thinking. What has changed? Is it me? Am I doing something different? I found an awesome website with some amazing insights. It gave me some answers as well as helped me to refocus.

#1 The fatter you are, the quicker you will lose weight.
A fatter person doing the same activities as a lighter person for the same amount of time will lose more weight, simply because more calories have to be burned to move a heavier person.

Voila! 46 pounds ago, I was losing weight more rapidly because I was burning calories faster just to move myself around.

However... I'm not completely innocent.

#2 What you eat and how often you cheat on your diet
I definitely cheat every once in a while. Diets have too often failed for me because of deprivation. I am trying to create balance in my diet so I don't balloon when I eventually reach my goal. I have talked and talked and talked about my lifestyle change goal. However, I still need to be careful. This website provides a very nice article on how to cheat on your diet and still be successful. It also provides a list of foods to eat, and on the list is high fiber cereals and oatmeal, which I eat frequently, yeah for me! The website also says not to drink soda, but we all know that's not gonna happen. :) When I get closer to my end goal, I may have to give it up, but I'm not quite willing yet!

#3 How motivated you are
Obviously, I've been more motivated in the past. It's hard to stay as motivated when you've had success. I need to stay in the same mind frame. Now that I've tasted success, I need to keep going strong until I make it to the end. I'm not worried that I won't make it, I've just slowed down. You'd think that with the success I've had, that I would keep going full steam, but maybe I've gotten cocky?

What is the point?

I need to refocus. I don't expect to lose three pounds a week, but I need to remain as motivated as I once was.

Today I am grateful for the people in my life who keep my attitude in check. Sometimes I need a reminder to be positive!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

A Lucky Girl's Journey

It's hard to say when it all started. I've been dealing with body image issues most of my life. I've spent half of my life either on a failed diet or thinking I needed to be on a diet. I yo-yo dieted back and forth twenty pounds every year for six years. Something needed to change.

The Catalyst:

I have a seizure disorder. This does not affect my life in any way other than I have to take medicine every day and I have to send paperwork to the DMV every six months with a doctor's note saying I am fit for driving. Oh, and I see a neurologist once a year. I think I am very lucky. People try to tell me how brave I am for handling this problem so well, but really, it's not an issue in my life. So February 2010 I went to visit my neurologist for the yearly checkup, and she decided it was time to put me on a newer, safer drug. Sure, whatever keeps the neurologist happy and gets me out of the office quicker with less lecturing. Then she says the magic words: "Side effects include lack of appetite and weight loss." BAM. I am sold on this idea! I went home thinking all my problems were solved! But in researching the drug, I found that people on this particular drug tend to lose 2.5-5% of their body weight and then level out. So what happened was I lost about ten pounds and leveled out. If I wanted to lose more, I was gonna have to do it on my own. But it was the catalyst that started it all.

Why did I finally start taking myself seriously?

Have you ever gotten all dolled up for an event and been shocked when you get pictures back? This has happened to me on more than one occasion, but there was one in particular this summer where I decided I didn't want to look like that in a picture ever again. At this point I had lost sixteen pounds already and I started taking dieting very seriously. It was when I had lost forty pounds that I started this blog as a way to keep myself motivated and to help inspire others. I have had to overcome my bad attitude in regards to exercise and have had many learning experiences along the way. Although this journey has been tough, the outcome is a much happier person.

My philosophies:

As I have mentioned, I spent most of my life with body image issues. Now that I am finally having success with dieting and weight loss, I am bound to have some opinions. Of course everyone knows that yo-yo dieting is terribly unhealthy, so it's best to avoid it. It is my goal to avoid yo-yo dieting by changing my lifestyle habits rather than by dieting alone. It's best not to deprive yourself too much. I'm hoping to be a different person when I make it to my end goal. I will have different eating habits. I will have lost weight slowly. This way I won't gain it all back immediately when I am no longer "dieting."

My other philosophies include having a support system. You can't do it alone! I am so appreciative of the amazing support I have from my family, my friends, my roommate, and of course the other health bloggers I have found out there who have amazing and motivational posts!

One of my principle philosophies is POSITIVITY. I have a rough exterior, and it's hard for some people to see through it. Underneath my blunt and sometimes brutal honesty is a POSITIVE ATTITUDE. You cannot lose weight with a negative attitude! After a bad week with no weight loss, you have to be able to bounce back. You have to be able to re-evaluate yourself and give yourself constructive criticisms, which you cannot do without a positive attitude. This is why I end each post with what I am grateful for.

Today I am grateful for the opportunity to be featured on FITBLOGGER. Fitblogger is an amazing new website dedicated to highlighting the accomplishments of the healthy living community on the web. I'm so thrilled to be a member!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

A Very Successful Halloween

I haven't had a comfortable Halloween in years. I lived with a bunch of sticks in college who got to wear really cute Halloween costumes come Halloween time, and it wasn't very fun for me. Last time I went trick-or-treating I tried to go as an eskimo. This was me being lazy, of course. I didn't want to deal with the cold, so I just wore my huge coat and said I was an eskimo. My friend wasn't gonna let that slide and turned me into a lunch lady (embarrassing confession!) You don't feel attractive in a costume like that. Remember my before and after picture from Halloween last year? I thought I looked good until I saw this picture. The point is, I haven't had good luck with Halloween for a long time.

My family got WAY into Halloween this year. My brother decorated the house all crazy, and he made a fifteen foot high costume for himself, which you can see to the right here. My sister-in-law wanted me to have an awesome costume. This is the skinniest I've been since my sophomore year in high school, so I agreed that I wanted to have an awesome costume, so I enlisted her aide to come up with an idea. She decided she wanted me to be Marilyn Monroe. You know, the famous dress with the wind blowing up and the blonde wig? Well, I decided I wouldn't look good in a wig, but it gave me the idea to try to come up with a brunette icon that I would want to dress as and I came up with none other than Audrey Hepburn. I actually hated the movie Breakfast at Tiffany's, but you gotta love the outfit she wears! And the diamonds, of course. I didn't have access to the accurate bling, but I did what I could. What do you think compared to last year's Halloween costume? Can you spot the missing 46 pounds?

This year as Audrey Hepburn!

Last year as Miss Peacock....

Close up of my face! This is so you can see my completely real and genuine eyelashes (just kidding, they're totally fake.) I take my eyelashes pretty seriously, and so should you. :)

When I came down the stairs, my nephew told me that he liked my dress. I thought it was so cute for a five year old boy to tell me he liked my dress! Then his little sister, who does not like to hug people, kept coming to hug me and tell me that I was a beautiful princess! It was so freaking adorable! Nothing like your nieces and nephews to make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Today I am grateful for laughter. I am a grinner. I think lots of things are funny, but I won't always laugh. It's pretty hard to made me laugh rather than just smile, so when something makes me laugh really hard, I'm grateful for it!

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Finally! Some Progress!

I feel like I'm turning into a broken record when I say that this was a really crazy week. But seriously, I had TWO TESTS. Not just small tests. Big ones. Like one of them is 50% of my grade. So I was pretty stressed this week. When I wasn't studying or working or sleeping, I wasn't functioning. It was like I was on laughing gas. I don't think my roommate likes me anymore...

The point is I didn't get a single workout in this week. I plan to do better this week. I just really don't understand bodies. I lost more weight this week than the last two weeks. And I didn't exercise. I'm about ready to swear off exercise again! Just kidding, everyone. We can all relax. I'm going to continue exercising. I know, bodies are weird, and fluctuations, and gaining muscle, and all that jazz. Not to mention the fact that I think I was more careful with my food intake this week. But for reals, I wasn't THAT careful... My body is so confusing.

So the result for this week: I lost 1.6 pounds for a total of 46.2 pounds. Finally! I made some progress!
I'll be posting some more pictures this week that I'm pretty excited about, and I'm also really excited about a post I'm publishing on November 3rd that will be featured on Fitblogger!

Today I'm grateful for my nieces and nephews. They are so cute. I'll tell you why on Tuesday.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Diet Dr. Pepper - My Only Indulgence

I know that I have mentioned that the catalyst to this entire journey has been when I paid a visit to my neurologist last February and she decided to put me on a safer seizure medication. This new drug involved lots of fun side effects, my favorite one being decrease in appetite, of course. People who are put on this drug lose 2.5-5% of their body weight, so while this drug definitely helped, it wasn't magic. Some of the other fun side effects I got to live with were dizziness and drowsiness (which I was already use to from previous medicines) and abnormal skin sensations. What they mean by abnormal skin sensations is tingling of the extremities, or like when your hands and feet fall asleep. This happens frequently now, and it's pretty annoying. Well, whatever it is in this drug that makes my hands and feet tingle also makes carbonation taste funny. When my neurologist explained to me that carbonated drinks were going to start tasting funny, I almost said no way. I love soda! When it comes to soda, I am equal opportunity, I love it all. I used to, anyway.

My family and friends were pretty annoying about this when it happened. I was in a grieving period, and they just kept telling me it was a good thing. Water is better for you, you shouldn't drink soda anyway! They kept telling me that I shouldn't try to get used to the funny taste of soda. They were right. Soda is not good for you, and water is. But it's hard to explain that to your addiction.

This monkey knows how I feel.

Soda still tastes funny if I drink it out of a can. I love Diet Dr. Pepper. It really is my only indulgence. I had a bad week last week, but I'm back on track now. I can only drink it out of a fountain though. I am a frequenter of gas stations. I definitely have my favorites - Common Cents in Bountiful of course, and I do think that the Bevrons and Mavericks do a good job. It really depends on the syrup to carbonated water ratio. Thanks to this medicine, you will never see me buying soda from a grocery store, and I don't keep it at my house. For some reason that I can't explain, I can only stand it from the fountains.

I don't feel guilty for my Diet Dr. Pepper consumption. I really do drink a lot more water now than I used to, especially the last few months. I have even come to enjoy water a lot more than previously. But my diet is pretty strict, and if I don't allow myself my one indulgence, then I don't have my balance that I'm trying to create.

Today I'm grateful for the test I have tonight. Why? Because then I'm DONE with stress for a little while and can play for Halloween weekend!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

My Actual Goal

So I've had this blog for a little while now, and I realized that I've never actually stated what my end goal is. It's hard to know what a healthy weight is, so I looked it up based on what the Body Mass Index of a girl who is 5'1" is supposed to be. I know, I'm short. So, a girl at my height should weigh anywhere between 98 - 132 lbs.

I'm young, and I'm pretty petite, at least I think I am. I have the smallest hands of anyone I know. Does that mean I'm petite? So anyway, I'm setting my goal at 115 lbs. If there's ever a time in my life when I can reach this goal, it's right now. I'm really excited, because this is the farthest I've ever come, and I know I'll do it this time.

As for fitness goals, I don't really have any specific ones. I'm doing the Body for Life routines, which is interval training, so it's not like I have to run a mile in a set amount of minutes. I just want to continue to stay active by working out three to four times a week as my schedule allows.

As for how close I am to reaching my goal of 115 lbs, I am still too insecure to reveal that information at this point. But I do have a specific milestone in mind for when I will be ready to unleash that secret.

Today I am grateful that I can fit into my roommates jeans. I did laundry last night and my pants were still wet this morning and I needed some pants for an early morning meeting for work! It's pretty awesome to be able to swap clothes!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

What Was I Thinking?

The people have spoken. I will keep weighing in on Sundays. this will maintain consistency, but I may not like the number I get as much as a Friday number. Thanks for participating in my poll!

This week was another busy week between school and work and trying to squeeze time in for friends. Not to mention I got an FC Twin System that plays old Nintendo games that I of course put ahead of everything else. That thing is awesome! But I somehow managed to get in a lower body workout, and an upper body workout, and two running routings. The Body for Life workouts of course. I fit in four workouts! Phew! Goal achieved.

So here's what happened Thursday night. I'm running, and the Body for Life running routine is done in intervals, because interval training is more stressful and builds muscle. Well, I think it's time for me to ramp up my intervals, because I was on my last set of intervals, and I accidentally went over by one minute. I don't particularly enjoy running. This is a twenty minute exercise, and I ended up running for twenty-one minutes! I looked at the treadmill timer and thought to myself, "How did this happen?!?" When I'm running, I DON'T lose track of time! But I did this time, so I figured it must be time to step it up a notch.

So Saturday: It was upper body workout day. I hate the upper body workouts. It just takes a long time. It's five muscle groups versus three muscle groups on the lower body workouts. But I finished my upper body workout on Saturday and was for some reason feeling like a rock star. So I decided to do a running routine! Fourth workout of the week, but only the third time. Remember, it was time for me to step it up a notch. So I re-evaluated my intervals and set them up again at higher levels. It was pretty intense! It started out okay, but by the last five minutes, I WISHED FOR DEATH! The only thing that got me through it was this. I listened to it TWICE in the last five minutes because it's such a good pump up song! It wasn't until the second time that I listened to it that I realized what the song was called and thought about how funny it was. Seriously, what was I thinking? Stepping up the notch? I don't run! However, like I have said before, once I was done I realized it wasn't that bad and was excited for the next time. This new body of mine can handle more than it used to!

So things are going well on the exercise front, however, I ate really bad this week. I think I only had four days this week that I ate healthy the whole day. Everyone always wants to go out to eat for some reason. I was careful on portions for the most part...

The results: I weigh the same today that I did last Sunday. I did not lose weight, I did not gain weight. I could be upset about this, but I'm not gonna let it bum me out. I'm just gonna let it be a learning opportunity and eat better this week. I'm gonna concentrate on my fitness victories from this week.

Today I am grateful for my friends. I could talk all day about how uplifting my friends are. Each one has something in particular I am grateful for. I had a lot of fun this week, and I had a GREAT weekend. My friends are AWESOME!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

The Fat Funny One

This post is actually a continuation of the Timeline in Pictures. That post was getting too long and somewhat off topic, so I decided to split it into two posts.

As I had mentioned, this weight loss journey has been extremely emotional. I almost feel like I am losing my sense of identity. My identity for as long as I can remember has been the fat girl. As I have shown you in the previous post, this hasn't necessarily been true, which is one of the reasons why this has been so emotional. Such a waste of negativity.

Fat girls are insecure about themselves, and to hide behind it they are the "funny" ones in the group. Are there any funny skinny girls out there? Was I funny in junior high before I got fat? I don't remember. Has anyone out there seen the buses that drive around with the Golds Gym advertisement that says "Tired of being the fat funny one?" That always rang true to me. I was tired of being the fat funny one. But can I still be funny now that I am losing weight? Am I still the same person? Now that I won't have to hide behind the insecurities of my body and I won't have to "make up for it" by being funny, what kind of person will I be?

This is the kind of thinking that has been driving me crazy lately. My brain is definitely going to have to do some rewiring. I can't lose all this weight and make it to my end goal and then spend the rest of my life still thinking of myself as the fat girl.

Sorry for the downer posts, I'll get back to my perky self now. Today I am grateful for the FC Twin System that finally came in the mail. I've been playing the old Nintendo games nonstop! Yeah for Mario, Duck Hunt, and Punch Out and for friends who play with me!