New Year's Resolutions

I mentioned in my last post that I had been thinking about what my New Year's Resolutions would be this year. I've never been very successful with New Year's Resolutions before, which is something that I've seen being addressed on other blogs. Other people are changing the word resolution to the word intention. New Year's Intentions. I feel like that is a cop out. It's like you are intending to fail by saying that. You are giving yourself the okay to not meet your goals. So I am sticking with resolutions.

As I said before, my weight loss goals aren't my top priority this year. Crazy, I know. Weight loss has been my top goal every New Year for who knows how long now. But I am getting pretty close to my goal already, so I already know I'm going to make it. I can concentrate on other things at the same time. So here they are:

• Be a positive influence to those around me. I want to be able to inspire those who read my blog as well as those I interact with in real life. This is very important to me. It feels good to know I can make a difference.
• Get a career path going from the job I currently have.
• Be more open with my friends and family.
• Make it to my goal of 115 lbs by June 2011. This is really scary to put a date to the goal, but what is a goal without a deadline?
• Be more active. It's been really cold, and my workout equipment is in my parent's garage. I need a different form of exercise I guess. That, or I need to stop being a baby and just do it anyway! I don't want to get flabby!
• Once I make it to 115 lbs, figure out how to maintain that weight and keep it off FOR GOOD!
• I have a buttload of drawing projects I need to do...

Today I am grateful for my friend Chris. He doesn't read my blog, so I'm safe using his name. :)

Resolutions???

So my brother is home from Texas for Christmas, and when he first saw me he could not believe his eyes. He was absolutely shocked. It's pretty nice when I run into people I haven't seen in a while and they hardly recognize me. It happens every once in a while. Anyway, he was telling me how great I look and I was getting all embarrassed and stuff and I told him I still had a long way to go. He said I didn't have that much farther to go. This is not the typical brotherly comment I'm used to. He was trying to get me to give him numbers, which I wasn't quite willing to do. But it got me thinking. It's the end of the year, and this is the first year in a long time where it's been time to make my New Year's Resolutions and I haven't been overwhelmed by an enormous weight loss goal. It's kind of nice. In fact, weight loss isn't even the top priority on my list this year. I haven't decided yet really.

Today I'm grateful that I made the decision to live a healthier lifestyle all those months ago. It makes this time of year so much easier.

Christmas Weigh In

Christmas was quite eventful. My family ate at Texas Roadhouse on Christmas Eve. I ate too many rolls and had the pulled pork dinner with Caesar salad and a sweet potato. I don't know why anyone would pick a regular potato over a sweet potato. Oh, and let me tell you. I am better than you because I eat Caesar salad and you eat House salad. Caesar salad is sooooooooo good!

Oh, and I did eat some of the candy from my stocking. It was really good. I still have a lot left. I'll probably give it away.

So I know I normally weigh in on Sundays, but it was just kind of a crazy day yesterday and I never got around to posting. In the interest of full disclosure, I should say that I actually weigh in everyday, but I only publish my findings on Sundays. You're not supposed to weigh in everyday as it kind of messes with your head, but I have found that it kind of keeps me on track during the week, so I'm probably not gonna stop. Anyway, after the Christmas holiday I had gained 1.2 pounds. But this morning I was back to the same weight from last week. Pick whichever weigh in you want. This week there will be no distractions!

Today I'm thankful for good advice.

Christmas Reflections

Isn't Christmas the best time of year? This has been a good one. My life is so much simpler this year than it has been in year's past. My favorite part about Christmas is giving presents. I pride myself on my gift giving skills. Nothing makes me happier than to get a good reaction from a present.

Christmas is a good time to reflect on the year as it comes to a close. 2010 is a year I will never forget. So many changes took place in the course of this year for me (like losing close to 59 pounds among other things), and I don't remember a year I've been happier. Here are my top nine days (I'm lame and couldn't think of a spectacular tenth day worth mentioning) in 2010:

9. Trip to Crystal Hot Springs. Swimming and Campfire afterwards - doesn't get better than that!

8. Day before Thanksgiving when I went four wheeling with a bunch of friends.

7. Jazz Game back in February with a few friends - almost witnessed my friend get into a fight after being told that his cheering was annoying, it was pretty funny!

6. Poker Night - Out of nine people playing, I came in third. What?!? Normally I'm one of the first out!

5. UFC Fight Night - I never would have guessed that I would enjoy watching men fight, but it really is very entertaining!

4. Trip to Provo to visit the afflicted. Me and two friends drove down to see an old friend of ours who was getting married soon - meaning we were never gonna see him again, so it was basically like he was dying. Went out to eat, had a big campfire, good times.

3. The night I was told I had written a very thoughtful letter. I know, I'm lame for being vague.

2. Illegal fireworks in Plain City for Independence Day - which we happened to be celebrating on my birthday. Corruption! Best firework EVAR! Best birthday EVAR! I will never enjoy regular fireworks again.

1. 311 Concert in July - I've seen them live twice, and they are AMAZING. They put on such a good show! I spent a few months working on getting cheap tickets, finally found a good deal and got a bunch of tickets for a bunch of friends and got off work early that day. 311 did not disappoint! There were crazy people everywhere, crazy stuff happened, lots of good stories, and lots of good times!

2011 should be just as great. To end my post, here is me in my Christmas dress. My roommate had me pose, and I felt really silly.

Today I'm thankful for all the good fortune that has befallen me this year and for my friends and family who I'm sharing the Christmas holidays with. I hope those of them that are reading this recognize the events above that they shared with me. Merry Christmas everyone!

Christmas Candy

I would say that I am pretty strict with my diet overall. When I "indulge" and go out to eat or something, I am still very careful with portions, so I hardly feel like I am cheating. My friend asked me once if I would consider what I was eating a cheat or not, and I said no. Then again, another thing to consider is what else I had eaten that day.

Every once in a while I will go out for ice cream or slush, but I can't eat near as much of it as I used to be able to. My treat is my Diet Dr. Pepper. Mmmmmm.....

One thing I absolutely have NOT allowed myself in months is candy. I hate walking by the candy bar aisle in grocery stores. Reese's, Snickers, and Butterfingers call out to me, but I haven't partaken in months. I think I had a couple of bite sized Butterfingers at work on Halloween and a bit of homemade chocolate that a customer brought in the other day, but other than that, I haven't had any chocolate or candy. I talk all the time about maintaining balance in your diet and creating a lifestyle change rather than deleting entire food groups and restricting yourself. I feel like I've done a really good job with this, except that I do not allow myself to have candy. And I LOVE candy! Which is why I'm afraid to eat it.

I did fantastic at Thanksgiving. I didn't overeat at all. I plan to do fantastic at Christmas as well by not overeating. My new lifestyle is much more comfortable. I don't go to bed in pain and I don't get heartburn anymore. None of this is a question for me. My question is: should I allow myself to have the candy in my stocking this year? Should I ask Santa to not fill my stocking? Should I ask Santa to fill my stocking with less candy than everyone else's stockings? I for sure don't want as much candy as everyone else will get. I feel like I want some, but can I handle it this year?

Today I'm grateful for my friends who take time out of their schedule to partake in art time with me. I have so many drawing projects that I need to finish, but they'll never get done without company!

Great Expectations Gone Sour

Sometimes things don't work out the way you plan. Sometimes trips get cancelled at the last minute. Sometimes you spend your weekend in a hospital because your roommate needs to have her gall bladder taken out. I was more than happy to take her, let's just say that it wasn't my idea of the fun filled weekend at California I had been planning. Sigh...

So I didn't end up having to hold myself accountable to eating well while in California, so I didn't do a weigh in before and after. I'm sticking to Sunday weigh ins.

This week went really well. I had a ginormous burger at Red Robin but I still had a loss of 2.8 lbs for a grand total of 58.8 lbs. I am really glad that I have been able to find a balance for eating more normal and still be able to lose weight. I'm happy to see a big number for this week again.

Today I'm thankful that my brother is home from Texas for Christmas. I had a really crappy couple of days, so it was REALLY good to see him.

What I See in the Mirror

Today you will find my post elsewhere. I did a guest post at A Merry Life. Mary is awesome, and I'm so excited that she let me have the opportunity to write on her website!

Here is the link to get to her website:

http://amerrylife.com/2010/12/16/rosies-look-in-the-mirror/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:+amerrylife/EBQq+(A+Merry+Life)

"Because You're Skinny"

When I was a little girl, I took a ballet class for two years. I loved ballet, and it was a lot of fun. But I wasn't very committed to it, as I was never a very girly girl, so I didn't continue after that. I was remembering the other day about a conversation I had with my first year ballet teacher way back then. I was probably nine years old at the time. We were taught to suck our stomachs in while dancing. When I did this, my ribs would poke out. I asked my teacher why my ribs poked out? What did that mean? Her answer was very simple. Much too simple for me to accept. She said "because you're skinny." I laughed at her and told her that was not true. All the other girls in the class were skinny, but not me!

What a sad reaction for a little girl to have. Why didn't I believe her? Here is a picture of my ballet class after our recital that year. I am in the front row in the middle, third to the right. Sorry for the terrible picture quality. I'm not the skinniest girl in the class, which must be why I didn't accept my teacher's answer. It was always one extreme or the other for me. But I was average. I look just like everyone else in the class.

Why was I thinking about this the other day? Because I'm starting to be able to see my ribs again. This is not because I am skinny. What does skinny mean anyway? Everyone seems to have their own definition. I have decided to define it as being in a healthy weight range. This means I am not quite "skinny" yet, but I am getting close. So even though I didn't believe my ballet teacher all those years ago, maybe I'll believe her soon.

Today I'm grateful for all the crazy bones I can now see. Like my ribs, and whatever the bones around your neck are.

A Challenge

This week started out terrible in terms of eating as I was stressed out of my mind because of finals week at school. But that is over now, and the second half of the week went much better, and I was able to scrape by with a loss. I lost 1 pound for a grand total of 56 pounds lost. I'm still going, it's just been a slow two weeks!

Upcoming: I am going to California this weekend, so I will not be here to weigh myself or post my results next Sunday. I know, I know, this will be a break from consistency, but I gotta go! I need a break. I'm super excited to go with some awesome friends of mine, it's gonna be a blast. I haven't decided yet if I will weigh in on Thursday before I leave or on Wednesday when I get back. Maybe both, and we'll see how I do on the trip. That will give me some accountability. So I guess I'm challenging myself to eat well while in California.

Today I'm grateful that school is out.

Authenticity: A Strength or Weakness?

It's time for this months edition of the Self Discovery Word by Word Series. This month it is being hosted by Katie at Health for the Whole Self and the word she picked was authenticity.

When I first found out that the word for this month was authenticity, I was in the dark a little. I just didn't have an immediate idea of what I would write about like I did with the other topics. Gratitude was super easy for me, of course. With the vulnerability topic, I immediately knew what I would talk about, it was just hard for me to decide to open up. It's hard for me to want to talk about my weaknesses. I had to dig pretty deep to decide what thoughts I had on authenticity.

I obviously know what authenticity is. Being authentic is being original. It is being true to one's own personality. I think I am perhaps a little too good at being true to my personality. One of my favorite bands is 311. They have a song called "Strong All Along" and my favorite lyric goes:

Don't be afraid whatever you've got, show

Flaunt your personality, let me know your style

I am a BIG advocate for flaunting your personality. When people meet me, they tend to get to know me pretty fast. I showcase my personality, and I want to see other peoples personalities too. Of course, this isn't always a good thing. Some people see me for what I am, which is someone who is reaching out to others and legitimately wants to have fun. But my big personality intimidates others. I accept myself for who I am, but this is something I have been trying to work on. I am straightforward and loud, but I have been trying not to scare people.

I am definitely authentic when it comes to being true to my personality. Another side to authenticity is how genuine you are. You know when you talk to someone who is so perfectly nice, and when you finish your conversation with them you have the feeling that they were just so fake? Yeah, you'll NEVER get that with me. Why? I can't fake it. I am 100% genuine at all times. This is not a good thing. I really try super hard to be nice, but people can see right through me! When someone talks to me, they know EXACTLY how I feel about them. I'm too authentic for my own good I guess. I cannot not be genuine, no matter how hard I try. Lucky for me, I genuinely like most people I interact with, so I don't have to worry about it too often.

Authenticity sounds like it should be a strength, but in my case I would call it a weakness. Perhaps if I could learn to tone it down a little? Mix in a warm glass of shut the heck up every once in a while? Definitely something I need to learn to do.

I don't really know how to relate this to my weight loss journey. However, I have really liked this Self Discovery Word by Word Series. As I have lost weight and continue to lose weight, I discover more about myself each day. I am working on the things about myself I want to change, and I have accepted the things I can't change. This series gives me the opportunity for self reflection.

Today I'm thankful for my co-workers. They got to know me pretty fast, and they accept me weaknesses and all. They know I'm just playin.

Who are your friends really?

I've noticed a lot of changes in the months since I have lost weight and began a healthier lifestyle. Most have been really good, but it seems that there are some consequences to losing weight. How can I describe this? When you lose a significant amount of weight, you start to become a different person. It's not that I have a different personality or like different things, it's more like I'm not willing to put up with the crap I used to. I'm discovering myself, and in doing so, I'm finding out what I'm not willing to deal with.

For example, I used to be the fat friend amongst a group of skinny girls. This was definitely hard on my body image. This isn't really the case anymore. I haven't reached my goal yet, but I'm not the fat friend anymore (I don't think???) Most of my friends have been extremely supportive and have been there for me in every way they can be. But I have some friends who have slipped away in the last few months. Is this because I have changed or because they have changed? I assumed for the last few months that it was because they had changed - until a conversation I had with a family member. They told me that sometimes when people lose weight they'll have friends who can't handle it and will stop being friends with them because of it. I can't process this. Why wouldn't you be happy for a friend for changing their life for the better? I decided to research this.

After researching this, I found out that this adverse reaction from friends to weight loss is quite common. John McGrail, a clinical hypnotherapist and behavior expert says, "Human beings are hard-wired to resist change, so it's not uncommon to encounter some resistance whenever change occurs."

Accomplishing a goal can remind your unhappy friends of their own unsuccessful attempts at accomplishing their goals. It can also bring out their insecurities. These insecurities bring out snide remarks directed at me. Don't worry, I can handle it. My ego is intact.

This article I read suggested that I try to think how I would feel if the situation were switched. How would I feel if I had a friend who had lost weight? Would I feel resentment and anger and stop being friends with them, or would I feel happy for them? Well, I have had friends lose a SIGNIFICANT amount of weight in the past. I was definitely jealous! I wanted to lose weight too! Did I stop being friends with them? No! Was I genuinely happy for them? ABSOLUTELY!

This article and this blog post both had the same thing to say about the quality of friends. The friends you lose due to weight loss aren't that great of friends anyway. The friends who stick with you are friends worth having.

In thinking about this, it is totally true. It's like I said at the beginning of this post. What am I willing to deal with anyway? That blog post really made me think. If a friend can't be happy for me for becoming healthier, how much do I really care that we aren't really friends anymore?

Today, obviously, I'm grateful for my friends who stick with me through thick and thin, literally. :)

Good News Minute... and Weigh In

This week wasn't great in terms of eating. As in I ate unhealthy everyday. When I say that, I don't mean that I ate a lot, just unhealthy. I don't think I'll ever stuff myself again, it's too uncomfortable. So I wasn't that surprised when I didn't lose any weight this week. I weigh the same this week as I did last week. I'm okay with that though, because I lost 7.4 lbs in the last three weeks, one of those weeks being Thanksgiving. That's pretty good! I'll do better this week.

On a happier note, I had a very pleasant trip to the mall yesterday. Remember how I've lost quite a few inches? Well, this has been devastating on my budget, particularly since once you've gone Victoria's Secret, you can't go back... or something else that rhymes. So I've paid a visit to Victoria's Secret about once a month to replenish my stock with smaller items which has been pretty annoying and expensive, but worth it. Well, they do this thing in November called Secret Santa where you can come back in December and find out how much your card is worth. Usually it's only $10 but it can be $50, $100, or $500. My card was $100! I was freaking out! I totally deserved this! I am one lucky girl. So I got $100 worth of free stuff at Victoria's Secret that I desperately needed, and they threw in a free tank top for "spending" more than $60! Which I promptly started wearing as pajamas.

I know you guys like pictures. I got two new dresses this week. Dresses are my favorite thing to shop for, especially now. I love this new dress!

What am I thankful for today? You guessed it. Victoria's Secret.

Eating Out

It’s okay to go out to eat with your friends when you’re on a diet. If you’re careful. If you don’t let yourself have a little fun every once in a while, your diet will never be successful. In my experience anyway. With too much restriction, you risk the chance of binging later on. Instead, change your eating habits. Make a lifestyle change. Control your portions rather than worrying about deleting entire food groups from your menu. This will save you from yo-yo dieting and help you maintain your weight loss. I feel like I have found a good balance on how to eat out with my friends. Here are some examples:

One of my favorite places to eat out is the Olive Garden. I love Italian food. Olive Garden is notorious for their unlimited salad and bread sticks. News flash: you don’t have to eat all the bread sticks. I decided to become a one bread stick girl. That is easy when you are with girls. I’m happy with one bread stick. As for salad, as long as I get my tomato and my olive, I don’t need a bottomless bowl. I’ll finish my one plate of salad and wait for my entrée. Hopefully you can talk someone into sharing with you, and with Olive Garden, I can usually get someone to split an entrée with me. So the only problem is selecting your meal. Luckily, Olive Garden is delicious, and it’s hard to go wrong.

It’s a bit harder to eat with guys. For some reason, they want you to eat more. They aren’t okay with you eating only one bread stick. It bugs them when you don’t want to eat chips and salsa. Like when I went to Chili’s with a couple of my guy friends a while back. They were outright offended that I did not want to partake in the appetizer. It annoyed them further when I ordered a turkey sandwich and did not eat the fries that came with it and took half of the sandwich home for later. Well, they got to eat my side, didn’t they?

Most often when I go out to eat with friends, we go out for sushi. Sushi is AWESOME when you are dieting. Sushi is surprisingly low in calories. Even the tempura fried sushi! Obviously, some types of sushi have more calories than others. Look it up before you go and see what fits into your calorie budget for that day. The bad thing about sushi is that it isn’t very filling. But it’s not as hard to fill me up these days, and it is delicious, so who cares? We typically go during happy hour when you can get sushi rolls for half off, so you can get two rolls for the price of one. I should only get one roll, but I usually get two just because I can never pick only one kind! Then you get to swap with your friends and try a bunch of different kinds… ooooohhhh…. Sushi…..

It’s okay to eat out. Just maintain balance and be careful with your portions. Skip appetizers and try to share your entrée with someone. It’s probably best to have water instead of soda, although I love me my Diet Dr. Pepper! The nice thing about dieting is that it’s like a diet on your wallet too. You don’t have to pay two bucks for a soda and you only pay for half of an entrée if you share with someone.

Today I’m grateful for Tepenyaki. I got to eat there last night for my work Christmas party and it was delicious, and an entertaining experience. They cook the food in front of you!